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tons of mens clothes absolutely free
mr. edwards' widow on kentucky street will give you free clothes that used to belong to her husband. most of the clothes are about fifty years old and are pretty ragged. i scored a few flannel shirts and some underwear that fit well enough. nice lady, excellent service. very friendly.

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Misc. Free Stuff
Mr. Lopez is losing his house, so he's just letting everything go. I stopped by and managed to talk him into giving me an antique armoire and an old roll top desk. He's kind of unresponsive and always staring off into space, so you might have to goad him a lot. Going back again to get some more stuff to sell on ebay/craigslist.

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Free iced tea
crazy plant lady will give you free iced tea if you pretend to be her son hugh. she'll ask you if you're still gay and you say "no way, mom, i like girls." she smiles and says "that's good, hugh." she is always blasting roger whitaker music and the house is just full of plants everywhere but the iced tea is good.

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mister graham is dying of lung cancer and doesn't have much time. i went to his house and asked him to add me to his will. he doesn't have any family so he agreed. he doesn't have much so don't expect a lot, but it's free for those willing to wait a few months.

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Ms. Green is kind of out of it so if you show up and ask very nicely she will let you inside. After that it's pretty easy to excuse yourself to the restroom and root through her medicine cabinet. She didn't really have a lot when I was there, but I scored some tylenol. Usually she wants you to hang around and look at pictures of her grandkids. Don't bother! Most of them are ugly.

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Tons of dolls
In the house across from the abandoned church on Oak St. Backdoor is broken in. An old lady lives there. She makes dolls. Dolls are free if you listen to her sad story about a man named Ernest.

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Free Tuition!
Not sure how long this deal will last, but I convinced Mr. and Mrs. Gravis that I was there grandson and I was determined to better myself with a college degree. After a couple months of talking big about my future and how many doors a college degree would open, they finally offered to pay my tuition.

I was able to do this three times with different names, and cashed in on the tuition every time. YRMV.

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Special thanks to Caylen "Abraham" Burroughs for his invaluable aid in the creation of this morally reprehensible article.

– Josh "Livestock" Boruff (@Livestock)

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