The Eight Games You Will Buy and Never Play from the 2014 Steam Holiday Sale

8. One of the Metro games for under five dollars

Chance that you will buy it: 65%

Why you'll buy it: Every steam sale is required to offer huge discounts on at least three Metro games. Even though they only made two Metro games. They seem to multiply right around the Steam sale. This one has been HD remastered or bundled or something and these games always get such good reviews. Don't you want to walk around an endless sewer level populated with scripted events? It's just like actually visiting the real Moscow subway without all the gay assaults and teenagers passed out drunk in the middle of train cars.

Chance that you will play it: 20%

Why you won't play it: You either mistake the title in your Steam list for a city builder game, and you already have several of those you never play, or you will remember what it is and just keep thinking about how dreadful a whole game in a subway is going to be not knowing that you are also missing out on some really terrible dialogue.

7. Prison Architect for three dollars

Chance that you will buy it: 50%

Why you'll buy it: Pulling wings off flies was fun when you were a tween psychopath. Now you can subject entire populations of prisoners to the cruelty you once reserved only for Sims.

Chance that you will play it: 30%

Why you won't play it: There is no way you could devise a prison more cruel and effective than the crippling social anxiety that forces you to squander your brief life locked away playing gimmicky rogue-likes and survival zombie games. Prison Architect only serves as a reminder of the Netflix-gilded cage you have built yourself out of regrets and nachos.