This article is part of the The Great Authors Series series.
There was an exact moment when wood was no longer needed split. When wood was acceptable in one whole hunk. In a trunk-wide ring or a whole tree trunk. The very idea of burning wood was, by then, ludicrous, because we had better things to burn like vinyl records, books, and presidents. But that time is in the distant future, or at least in a future distant to you, being in the now, such as it is, but not being at a point in the future, which you can never actually reach because you will always be now.
For our time, for now time, but not for that future, we have the WoodEze 4-ton Electric Log Splitter. Plug it into your wall outlet and use it to split logs and other things that are roughly the size of logs, such as loaves of very stale bread, stacks of Christmas cards, or unhappy marriages. It has some safety features to prevent you from splitting your hand, assuming that is fairly log shaped.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
The Something Awful front page news tackles anything both off and on the Internet. Mostly "on" though, as we're all incredible nerds.
Famous authors of renown and infamy find new inspiration when unexpected sponsors pay them to write. Not even death can stop them!