Flames From Review of Final Fantasy X

Squaresoft has always had a particularly vocal group of fanboys. There are people who would probably fight to their death attempting to "protect" the name of this software company who doesn't give a crap about them or how much their product is worshipped by nutballs on the Internet. So why are these people so adamant about defending a game franchise? Don't they have anything else to do? Isn't there anything else in their lives or are they forced to attach their tiny egos to a successful game company and then absorb any insult to this company as if it was personally directed towards them? We've never understood the Internet fanboy mentality and probably never will.

NOTE FROM THE EDITOR: Like always, I have decided to include photos of what I imagine the people writing the flames look like. I feel this lends some gravity and meaning to their messages. Also I attend numerous conventions where the key speaker is a person who claims to have been abducted by UFOs and was forced to watch "Sanford & Son" aboard their spacecraft.

From: Jon Friedman
Subject: (No Subject)

This is really confusing. You guys used to do quality work in this section... But this is going overboard.. Nobody's going to believe this horribly fake truthmedia article. Good luck getting flames. Post me up if you want.

Yeah, you're probably right, Jon. Nobody will fall for this obviously fake review! It would be impossible to think that there are people out there using the Internet who JUST AREN'T VERY BRIGHT AT ALL. I mean come on, the review of FFX, which seems completely fake and fabricated to anybody with an IQ above 12, obviously has NO CHANCE WHATSOEVER of generating flame messages! Nobody will fall for it at all and there will never be a section of this site devoted to the flame mail sent in by rabid FFX zealots. This will obviously never happen, and if it somehow did, the flames would not be located on this page. No. That will never be. Thank you Jon Friedman, you are the best third-party consultant we have ever not hired to advise us and our website. Also, thanks for letting us "post you up," usually we get arrested for posting people up, particularly in crowded shopping centers.

From: john jarrell
Subject: You're 'review' of FFX

This is the dumbest shit I have ever read. Is there anyone at your web site that has even 'played' the game? Just open the DAMN CASE and you'll see half the stuff you said was complete bullshit. A person who has never played ANY OF THE GAMES AT ALL could have written a better review, as most people know that MOOGLES ARE NOT FROM HARRY POTTER YOU STUPID ASS FUCKING FUCKERS! Joke is on you guys this time, cause everything that you TRY TO MAKE FUNNY is dumb, and this review is hilarious, you DUMBASSES.

I HATE YOU'RE SITE now, and unless you APOLOGIZE for this review, I will warn people to NEVER LOOK AT ANY FUCKING THING on your site again. Love these games I have, and I won't stand for this bullshit. Something Awful is damn right, cause thats what the fuck this 'review' is. AWFUL!

Keep up this FUCKING SHIT and you will be sued. Up your FUCKING ASSHOLES! The 'review' WILL BE BROUGHT DOWN or I will SUE YOU MYSELVES. Good God, I'm going to send an EMAIL TO THE MAKERS OF THIS GAME MYSELF. Work all you can for the next few days, CAUSE YOU'RE ALL GONNA LOSE YOUR DAMN BITCH ASS FUCKING HELL SHIT OF A WHORE SLUT CUNT JOBS!!!!!!!1

Remember my name, you will be hearing from me again.

- John Jarrell
DIE!

Oh Jon Friedman, you wasted all that time composing your eloquent and poignant email just to be shot down by your evil mastermind counterpart, John Jarrell! Jon and John, will you ever be able to work out your differences or is this relationship doomed to become simply a statistic or even an episode of "The Jerry Springer Show"? We may never know, but in the meantime please enjoy more flame mail that we will never get according to Jon Friedman!

Next up we've got another person who feels the need to help us out by giving us more friendly advice regarding how to run our website. I'm not exactly sure what the person is trying to say, but I think it has something to do along the lines of, "hey, good work, I really enjoyed your article, keep up the excellent job!" That's what the bottom of the bottle tells me.