Zack: The lights are flickering down here. The basement is huge and unfinished. It seems many times larger than the building. There are rooms with bunks and others with shelves stocked with dry foods and containers of water.
Steve: Doomsday prepper stuff?
Zack: It looks like it. That's not all. You hear someone talking from a room up ahead.
Steve: We're going to go in cautiously. Stealth if possible.
Zack: Whoever is doing the talking seems totally unaware of your presence. As you step into the room you see that it is a woman in business attire. She has been shot a couple times. She is kneeling in front of a device that looks like a huge brass mirror without the mirror part. She is sifting through dozens of broken gems and trying to fit them into a small slot in the machine. She's muttering and becoming more and more frustrated.
Steve: Eazy-E will go up to her. "Hey lady, you alright?"
Zack: She ignores him until he is almost close enough to touch her. Then she whirls and draws a gun in her shaking hand. She has been shot in the face and is gruesomely disfigured. One eyeball dangles from her socket and one side of her mouth is blown open. What you thought was muttering is actually the sound her breathing is making flapping the loose skin hanging over her wrecked face.
Zack: SANITY CHECK! Kurt will have a bonus for being too high to care and Eazy-E will have it harder because he is right up close to her.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.