If all goes according to plan (an awful, terrible, plan) the New Orleans Hornets are going to become the New Orleans Pelicans. This bold move is one of self-sacrifice, immediately taking the Washington Wizards and Toronto Raptors off the hook for having the dumbest team names in the NBA.

It could be worse, though. The New Orleans Pelicans is a terrible name with no redeeming qualities, but it is not the absolute bottom of the heap. There are exactly 32 team names that would have been worse.

  • The New Orleans Football TeamThird-rate minor league baseball team or a professional basketball organization?
  • The New Orleans Blaster Zappers
  • Shorts And Sweatbands! Yeah!
  • That Guy You Know And Four Other Guys You Sort Of Recognize, With Those Guys On The Bench And The Dude In The Suit That's Always Walking Around On The Sidelines
  • The New Orleans New Yorks
  • Atlas Dunked
  • The New Orleans Dragon Knight Lords
  • The New Orleans Sports Announcer Clumsily Talking About Hurricane Katrina And Rebuilding And The Community's Spirit And Sports Fixes Everything
  • The New Orleans Beliebers
  • The New Orleans Mouth Sounds (Make A Cool Sound With Your Mouth And Do It Really Close To A Metal Fan That's Spinning Really Fast)
  • LABRP - Live Action Basketball Role Playing
  • The New Orleans We Got Some Trampolines And We're Putting Them Right Under The Baskets
  • The New Orleans (That's it. Nothing else. It's a gritty reboot of the franchise.)
  • How Many Three Point Shots Do We Have To Make Before You Love Us, Dad?
  • The New Orleans Apple Coca-Cola YouTube What The Heck Is Copyright Infringement
  • The New Orleans Sports Men
  • The New Orleans Ooops I Dropped Something In The Garbage Disposal Let Me Slowly Plunge My Arm In There
  • Tall Guys
  • The New Orleans Holy Shit The Awesome Redneck From The Walking Dead TV Show Is Also That One Guy From Boondock Saints
  • The New Orleans Dyslexic Pelicans
  • Barkley, Shut Up And Jam: Gaiden
  • The New Orleans Mr. Mxyzptlks
  • Thanks, Kid With The Mop That Runs Out On The Court And Cleans Up All The Sweat (We Know This Is A Bad Name But This Kid Deserves Some Recognition Okay)
  • James Franco's Honorary Degrees
  • The New Orleans Alley Oops I Crapped My Pants
  • We May Wear Sneakers, But We're A Roller Derby Team At Heart
  • The New Orleans Turtles Laying On Their Backs Helplessly, With Their Legs Slowly Kicking At The Air
  • "Corin Tucker's Stalker"
  • The New Orleans Power Naps
  • Guy Fieri's All-American Neon Grub Hut Players
  • The New Orleans Timely Referential Humor
  • C'mon, Do The Wave, Everybody!
  • The New Orleans Like Us On Facebook Tweet Our #Hashtag
  • The New Orleans Let's Win This One For Animes
  • Sore Nipples, Not Sore Losers
  • The New Orleans We Eat Basketballs Like You For Breakfast
  • Time Out, No I'm Not Calling A Time Out, Ref, I'm Saying The Name Of The Team
  • The New Orleans Sensibly Priced Station Wagons
  • The New Orleans Earth Is Only Like Five Thousands Years Old, Dude
  • The New Orleans Ska
  • Sign Our Online Petition To Make Steampunk Goggles A Mandatory Part Of NBA Uniforms
  • The New Orleans Wii U

– Dennis "Corin Tucker's Stalker" Farrell (@DennisFarrell)

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