Which Truck Is Right for You?
It’s time to buy pure commercialized masculinity. But which model is right for you?
Message from the Future Regarding Impending Canada Geese Invasion
First they invaded our corporate water features, then they overran our golf courses, finally they took our freedom.
Catalog of Common Honking Situations and Outcomes
Why you honk and how it’s misinterpreted.
Emergency House Repair Strategies for First Time Home Owners
Congratulations on buying your first house. With the budget tight for the next 20 – 30 years, here are some great strategies on how to ignore glaring structural damage until you’re able to sell this mistake.
Your Cat’s Review of Cat Toys
Expert analysis on the few things your cat likes and the many things it hates.
Invasive Species Warning: Campus Hammockers
Important tips on how to prepare for the massive infestation of longboards and Yeti coolers.
New Affordable Healthcare Plans
Please consider updating your plan to include Trickle Down Antibiotics, the Millennial Meltdown, and other new options.
Newest Gwent Card Updates
The newest update to Gwent adds some of the most complex cards you’ve ever seen in competitive, virtual card collecting games.
To the Nail Biter
At what point does your ruthless gnawing count as self-cannibalism?
23 Tips for Driving in the Winter
It seems like a lot of people struggle to drive once the roads get icy. Here are some easy tips to make your winter treks safer.
Tips for Heading Back to Work After the Holidays
Important techniques for anyone returning from an extended vacation.
What This Country Needs Is One More Food Delivery Service
There is only one thing that can bring us back together: another copy-cat food delivery service that promises $10 off your first delivery with the promo code "fr33f00d."
How to Deal With Your Bloody Nose
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
No One Cares About How Few Cavities You Have
Just because your teeth are made of Wolverine’s adamantium doesn't mean that anyone cares.
Your Local Brewery's Five New Beers
We have all the excellent beers for you to begrudgingly choke down!
How to Defend Your Obvious Civ 6 Addiction
This is Sid Meier's world, I’m just building wonders in it.
Complete List of Apple Picking Apples
A complete guide to every type of apple you'll find on the orchard.
Credit Card Chip Reader FAQ
If you still have any difficulty transitioning to chip readers, please refer to the FAQ compiled from average user reactions.
How to Pack for a Trip
Make sure your trip starts off with a rushed, anxiety inducing nightmare.
In Defense of Your Absurdly Long Showers
Don't let anyone tell you that you're a wasteful, careless, selfish individual because of your shower habits.
The Emotional Strain of a Dying Cell Battery
The daily cycle of pain and remorse as you frantically attempt to save the last bit of juice.
40 Reasons To Not Workout
Complete list of undeniable excuses to keep your ass planted.
Your Cat's Guide to Fun Toys
A complete assessment to all the terrible toys you've bought thus far.
Whose Nokia Cellphone Keeps Ruining the Clash’s Rock the Casbah?
A cellphone seems to go off at exactly 1:52 in The Clash’s 1982 single “Rock the Casbah.” Why?
Understanding the Wedding Seating Hierarchy
A complete breakdown of why you're assigned to sit where you are.
Expensive Gear You Need Before Exercising
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Make It Matte
Do you have a gloss-free life and need your consumer goods to match? Make it matte.
Now Is the Time to Invest in Video Game Cosmetics
Join one of the highest yield markets available to people who have neither worldly knowledge nor business savvy!
Stress Effects on Your Mind and Body
Whether it’s finals, taxes, or the Canadian mafia, we all have stress in our life. Find out how it's changing your body before it's too late!
Trim Your Gross Nails
Gross nails are the human equivalent of carpeting your bathroom. Please do something.
Your Cat's Guide to Dry Food
Let there be no confusion about your cat's fine tastes.
Common Core Wants My Child to Do What?!
OUTRAGED! I was just trying to help my child do homework when I found these!
Hopeless Attempts to Fix Your Sleep Schedule
Someday you'll go to bed at a normal time. Not tonight though.
FAQ: Returning to Work After a Three Day Weekend
Top rated guide to help you get back to work!
The Top Games Done Quick Donation Comments
The heartfelt result of combining cancer stories with video games.
Winter Is Just Your Life in Hard Mode
For the next few months, your life ramped up the difficulty setting.
How Different College Majors Handle Finals
Every major has their own preference on how to crack under the pressure.
Dear Library, Please Forgive the Following Fines
Absolve me of my past fines, so that I may checkout again.
5 Hottest College Football Uniform Trends
See them here first before they make it to the field.
Attention: Global Ban on all Breaking Bad Halloween Costumes
Your costume is is the Halloween equivalent of a CSI rerun on TNT.
Do You Know When to Say "It's Just Allergies"
Sometimes it’s helpful to explain your allergies, other times you just need to apologize for sneezing on someone’s face.
Time to Dedicate Yourself to Your #facialhair! Now!
Time to let your pimples bubble and swell under your beard like some acne Machu Picchu.
Appropriate Levels of Guilt from Sleeping In Too Late
A helpful guide for coping with your inability to function like an adult.
Time to Convince Yourself that Your Summer Wasn’t Wasted
You can realize that you’ve wasted the last few moments of youth at an occupation you hate or fool yourself into a numb compliance with one of these great excuses.
When is it time to do laundry?
A helpful guide for anyone who hasn’t quite figured it out.
How to Explain eSports to Normal People
eSports are getting more attention, but these new non-nerd spectators have no idea what's going happening. Help them understand how and why you've decided to waste your life with these simple approaches.
2015's Best Songs (for Specific Ocassions)
A compilation of the best tracks (and runner-ups) for specific moments in your life. No monkey business.
![Cricket Chirp Thermometer [Advanced Techniques]](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/cdf039a1/72c2935f/315a7d4c/ec997c35/13974.jpg)
Cricket Chirp Thermometer [Advanced Techniques]
The most advanced and up-to-date method of checking the temperature from cricket noises.
Tan Line Database: W Entries
Your number one resource for all types of summer tan lines.
