The Last Adam, submitted by RobbieFal. I sometimes consider myself to be a worldly and knowledgeable man. This is because I am also a stupid, fat liar. However, I can honestly say that I never knew the world ran out of "Adams" around 1985 and that this, "The Last Adam," was so special that only he can communicate directly to God Himself and knows about the dastardly plot of the... you guessed it... THE SUN UFOs!

At 8 May 1995 I began having visions. This continued till the date of 16 August 1995. Till 8 May 1995 I could concider me as a normal person. That day I learned that there is life in the sun. U.F.O's are coming from the sun.

The spirit of the Lord JEHOVAH is upon me,for the reason that JEHOVAH has anoimted me to tell good news to the meek ones.He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim liberty to those taken captive and the wide opening [ of the eyes ] even to the prisoners;to proclaim the year of good will on the part of Jehovah and the day of vengeance on the part of our GOD;to comfort all the mourning ones;And from the sunset they will begin to fear the name of ‘JEHOVAH’,and from the rising of the sun the glory of him,for he will come in like a distressing river,which the very spirit of ‘JEHOVAH’ has driven along.And to Zion the Repurchaser will certainly come.and to those turning from transgression in ‘JACOP’,is the utterrance of ‘JEHOVAH’.

This is all incredibly fascinating news to me, as I really think God is cool and I like the sun and hey, UFOs are pretty neat too. Combine them all together and you get the ranting, raving ramblings of this utterly insane man who has apparently been staring into the sun for a bit too long.

UFO's will come from the SUN.The 'LORD JESUS CHRIST'is UFO MENS. I'm the only one who knows how to have TELEPATICH-CONTACT with there species. And those who will be able to do this will never die.

Okay! After reading the following excerpt, I am very glad they discontinued the "Adam" line of men; this one seems to be a bit broken.

– Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka (@TwitterHasBannedAllMyAccountsEver)

More Awful Link of the Day

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful