"Imagine having a birthday song sung for you that celebrated the joy of being, held no old associations and was energetically clear of old birthday consciousness."
Yes, imagine that. But whatever new-age melody you might have concocted using that fruity description, Chris James' "Joy-Full Birthday" will manage to surpass its shittiness. It's like the intro to "Sixteen Candles," as performed by the moaning zombies of long-dead doo-wop singers and the ghost of Color Me Badd's career. (Historical note: "Sixteen Candles" performers The Crests sold the trademark to their name to this greasy hair avalanche.)
Chris James boasts a wide array of vocal torture implements: If you click on his picture, he'll emit some sort of pan flute/dial tone noise for 15 excruciating seconds. This "esoteric healer" bases his workshops on the dubious, self-disproved premise "Everyone is born with a beautiful voice." In this case, telling people what they want to hear results in music no one wants to hear.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Awful Links of the Day spotlights the worst and weirdest websites on the internet. And we're not talking "weird" in a good way either.