Piso Mojado

bad sex guy, talking about sex - the sex? guhh! gah! duurrrrr!

me (good sex guy), talking about sex - *elegantly recites beautiful sexual prose in 4 different languages, causing several people to dramatically fan thenselves before fainting*


Diligently, the bad sex guy watches youtube tutorials hoping to one day improve.


"Though it has taken us nearly a decade for construction, and required both the unparalleled investment and cooperation of the international scientific community, I am pleased to announce today that the Large Hardon Collider is ready for full operation. This facility will allow us to explore the hidden depths of our universe, with the goal of discovering that truly elusive dream: the neutral sex guy."

*ribbon cutting, polite applause*


it is naive in the extreme to think that one individual can be "good" or "bad" at sex. I am taking the smarter route, I am crowdsourcing my sexhaving. when you are entering captchas, do you really think you are helping to digitize old books? no, you're providing input into my sexing, to make it the good kind.


 i'm good sex guy. i'll keep insisting on going down on you and i'll try not to grunt so loud when i'm thrusting

 i'm bad sex guy. i'll tug your hair a little and smack your butt while i keep saying "yeah, u like that??" in a silly low voice

and now, let's meet our mysterious third contestant!

 i'm worst sex guy. i always fart when i orgasm and i accidentally got a little too much back in my foreskin restoration surgery. i've been a virgin longer than i've been alive

*good and bad sex guy start sweating profusely in the face of strong competition*


love this new hallmark line of greeting cards they created for me. example

Outisde: I'm the good kind of
Inside: sex guy


Outside: What kind of sex guy am I? Read the inside of this card to find out.
Inside: The good kind


Outside: Happy birthday, Grandma!
Inside: I'm the good kind of sex grandson

Space Taxi

*Good sex guy spills bad sex guy's drink*

BSG: Hey you spilled my drink! Get ready for a beating.

GSG: I'm good sex guy.

BSG: Sorry sir, my mistake. Here, let me refresh that martini for you.


David Bowman, who has never thought of himself as much of a sex guy, travels through several stargates and ages a hundred years only to die and find himself reborn as a celestial perfect sex guy

mister magpie

Bad Sex Guy can only do up to 68


I'm the good sex guy. You may have read such novelisations of my life as
Mills & Boone: A Good Sex Affair
Mills & Boone: Good Sex In The Good Sex Hotel With The Good Sex Guy
Mills & Boone: Good Sex With The Guy Who Does Good Sex; That's The Good Sex Guy
Mills & Boone: I Wish That Guy Would Let Me Cheat On My Husband With Him But He's Just Too Damn Noble And Also Good At Sex; He's The Good Sex Guy


good sex guy: ill do the sex to anyone really well

bad sex guy: *gets a boner and his dick explodes*

– David "g0m" Dolan (@g0m)

More Comedy Goldmine

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2022 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful