Steve's Stupidest #2

Ansel the Worldly Sasquatch

From Rifts Worldbook 20 Canada

Steve: Live the dream with Ansel, the Worldly Sasquatch. The dream of being a sasquatch I mean.

Steve: This benign giant roams the Pacific Northwest searching for his lost mate Patty who was taken by slavers many moons ago. Since she was captured, he has embraced modern society and now he drives a truck and wields a laser shotgun.

Zack: There's a laser shotgun in Rifts?

Steve: I mean, I didn't actually look it up, but I think I can say with certainty that yes, there is a laser shotgun.

Steve: Oh and also he is psychic.

Zack: Wait, psychic? That sounds suspiciously useful.

Steve: You would think, but check out one of his main powers:

Zack: Seems like a lot of sasquatches would get jobs at racetracks. You know, in case every watch and phone and every other time keeping device out of the hundreds at the racetrack broke.

Steve: I don't think he would even be very good at that because he is always off by 1D4 seconds. So like, it's a psychic power that's way worse than a five dollar stop watch.

Zack: Oh, man, this one is going to be hard to beat.

More WTF, D&D!?

This Week on Something Awful...

  • Pardon Our Dust

    Pardon Our Dust

    Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.



    Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind

Copyright ©2024 Jeffrey "of" YOSPOS & Something Awful