Dr. Thorpenstein: We're all mad at you for putting hats on us here!

Zackula: Trying to put a costume on your cat is a great way to make it invisible.

Dr. Thorpenstein: At least these ones are filled with catnip, so you can use drugs to bribe your cat into accepting this humiliation.

Zackula: It also helps if you hide your death grip hold on your cat from the camera with a blanket. They might literally have the cat in a vice for this picture.

Dr. Thorpenstein: The cat is looking at the camera with that "You're SO fucking dead as soon as I wriggle free" look that every cat owner is familiar with.

Zackula: If you look at this Etsy user's page they subject their cats to almost constant costume torture. I'm just going to guess those cats have been declawed or the owners are covered in claw resistant scars by now.

Zackula: Just one giant baby-talking keloid trying to put a harry potter scarf around a yowling tabby.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Another explanation: this one is maaaaaaybe taxidermy.

Dr. Thorpenstein: "Fuck you." - This Cat.

Zackula: That is the most fuck you look a cat can have outside of a bath in the sink.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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