A woman named Lanny was one of the first to email me and she was definitely the first to treat me to a vague physical threat. It was slightly more interesting than the guy who emailed me four times asking to meet me and fight me.

From: hoosiermom
To: zackparsons@somethingawful.com
Subject: moonbats will reap what they sow

This is the most horrible article I have read yet from you commie thugs. It disgusts me and it makes me laugh. Just keep spewing the vile hatred and you will reap what you sow.

I'm a mother of three and if you said even half the things about my boys that you said about Trig and Bristol then you wouldn't be able to hold me back. I dare you to say something bad about them. My husband is a cop and he will find you and you will wish all he did was arrest you.


That reminds me of an old joke: what's worse than a cop? Nothing. Nothing is worse than a policeman. Not even vampires. They are the worst.

From: zackparsons@somethingawful.com
To: hoosiermom
Subject: Re: moonbats will reap what they sow


your children speak with reedy voices in tongues unknown to human vocabulary. Their translucent jar-shaped bodies disgust doctors and men of science. Their spore contaminates the water you drink. Their eyes are hollow, like the body of a drum reverberating with the tattoo of a fleshy jungle. Their quivering mouth-parts draw in birds that are gulped still-struggling into digestive cavities.

Your children are soulless, unnatural things that will regenerate two bodies if split in half. I curse them and you: return to whatever primordial nightmare ooze birthed you half-formed into this realm.


I would say I'm waiting for her husband to come beat the shit out of me, but at this rate I expect a cop to beat me nearly to death in the next year anyway. Whether it's Lanny's beau or someone else is really irrelevant.

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