Spout.ly Drinking Fountain Reviews: #GulperGate

TERRIBLE!!! Janet is a disgrace and has no business being here. This used to be a great fountain, but she ruined it by having the flow pressure softened and the whole unit lowered. Her excuse of "it was too aggressive and the kids couldn't reach" is pathetic. Kids don't buy flowers. I don't even know who buys flowers, since they're a huge waste of money.

Posted by Fountainhead 4 hours ago

Posted by Slurp 12 hours ago

I have filed a complaint with the BBB about this. This is an assault on the community and thirsty people everywhere.

In the meantime, some of us will be having a memorial service for this fountain at the fountain in the mine inspector's office tonight at 7pm. There will be a eulogy and anyone can share their stories and memories.

She can't even keep her story straight. She says she nerfed the fountain to please her customers, but she told me it was because her water bill was too high. You're watering a bunch of dying plants, lady. I'd say "do the math," but you're clearly too dumb. My fountain showers and the three jugs I fill every day don't have anything to do with her water bill being too high. And furthermore, the notion that my shirtless body is "threatening to customers" is sexist.

I think I'm going to break in and fix this fountain. Does anybody with experience installing and fixing drinking fountains want to come with? I can do quality control on the fountain once the deed is done.

Us gulpers have been getting the shit-end of the cone for some time. Janet had no right to change this fountain. I'm sick of these casual sippers asking us to compromise. Just drink out of the sink if you can't handle an aggressive flowing fountain. Some of us depend on fountains for hydration, and a stronger flow means we get the life-giving water into our bodies faster. I have to drive 30 miles to Shaggy Butte, because it's the only city in the area that isn't poisoning the water with fluoride.

What happened here is heartbreaking. What she did was practically murder. I was a long-time user of this fountain, and put up with a lot. For one thing, Janet's store is not pleasant smelling. It's unreasonably pungent in there. She is also awfully nosy and very pushy in terms of trying to sell me flowers. She took something special from the community and DESTROYED IT. That fountain was a work of art, now it's something mediocre and bland.

#GulperGate is not about hating women. And besides, we wouldn't hate women so much if they would stop trying to ruin things we like. I'm not harming anybody. All these women who try to get in our way, ask us to share the fountain or stop filling up jugs or bathing ourselves can f*** off. No sips for chicks.

I tried to power sip but the flow was so weak I was just sitting there sucking on the bubbler like an idiot. I had my wisdom teeth taken out a few hours earlier, and the sucking caused me to rupture a clot and start bleeding. I was spewing blood everywhere and Janet was yelling at me to get out. I guess wanting to drink water is now a crime. At least while being a man, anyway.

Who is she really trying to please? The aggressive flow on the fountain was its best quality. It was like drinking from a hose. If you want gentle sips, get a water cooler. Most of these fake gulper girls wouldn't know the difference anyway. She has no business owning a drinking fountain if she's just going to water it down. NO PUNS ARE INTENDED!!!

I have a mind to burn this place down. Let's see if her gentle flowing fountain can put out the flames of righteousness.