I Googled ’29.’ I'll admit I was shocked. I know kids are into weird stuff; I was too in my day. My dad never understood it, but he accepted it. When you were born I said I'd do the same. Whether my son was gay, a communist, a rockabilly - I'd live with his choice. But THIS? It violates every rule I was raised by. I can't believe it's not outlawed!
‘Look,’ I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. ‘Keep the fantasy characters, the orcs and wizards. But use a spaceship instead of a coffee shop. And instead of having them just hang out and talk about RPGs, make them detectives solving space crimes.’ Something behind his eyes flicked on. His face beamed like a sunburst gradient.
You emailed me offering an e-hug. I never replied because I've never been e-hugged by a man and I was worried I'd enjoy it a little too much, meaning I'd get addicted to male e-hugs and would spend the rest of my life in chatrooms cybering for them.
‘I suspect your girlfriend Lindsey is Gremory, a Christian demon,’ Justin said. ‘He appears as a beautiful woman riding a camel.’ ‘Oh, Gremory.’ Brad sighed. ‘Yeah, she probably is.’ ‘Seriously,’ Justin insisted. ‘Lindsey's seductive, right?’ Brad shrugged. ‘I wouldn't call her seductive. Cute maybe.’ ‘And she rides a camel, right?’ ‘I think once.’
One night my drive-thru headset fell in the shake machine. When I took it out, it was picking up monster voices. I told my manager Jeff, who said to change the battery and then went back in the office to do more coke even though he was trying to kick. To some people monsters aren't as shocking as to others.
Suggested activities while listening to Trent Reznor's spooky ambient clicks and drones.
She took a bite of her sub, then put her hand on mine. It felt creamy and smooth, from the mayonnaise. Her legs were crossed: one swung freely, her heel dangling precariously. The other heel tapped a syncopated rhythm that served as a breakbeat to my heart, which cycled furiously; fueled by Splenda and a thousand lonely nights, but mostly Splenda.
The easiest way to understand the universe is to break it up into smaller chunks. Especially since it's already been done for you. We call these chunks "rooms." They're the basic unit of our existence. All of the important events in our lives take place in them. Rooms are everything.
“You start just eating a few fudgesicles, and only at parties, but pretty soon you’re selling them to support your habit. Robbing ice cream stands on the side.” I’m licking the last chocolate off the stick and wishing he’d stop talking because it’s ruining my sugar buzz.