Dave: Oh my god, can I even be looking at this image, Zack? Is it cool that we're talking about it? Can we both be looking at the same titty simultaneously, or will something queer happen? Is Rich going to fire us for debating a titty on company time? Doesn't that hurt her nipples? Aren't your nipples getting all sensitive just looking at this? Maybe tensing up and lightly erecting like they've been licked by a summer breeze?

Zack: How does Girl With a Krogan Tattoo here keep her titties from being XXX hot boobs???? Her sexy titty boobs are all out how do they not fall out more? Can we talk about it Dave? Is this okay? Shouldn't those straps press into those soft booby tits right onto those nipples some more like a belt cinching into a butterman? Can we do this? Are we doing this? Is it okay? Am I fucking cumming here all over myself?

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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