Zack:I wonder if he can put a spinna in his mouth and it starts going round and round.

Dr. Thorpe:Why do you say that? Because his shoes are plugged in?

Zack:"Shit, I know what'll be tight for this pic. I'll go stand in the corner next to that bomb ass pepper clock. Gotta lean so they sees it!"

Dr. Thorpe:"Yo, lean just a little more, then it'll look like a cartoon parrot on your shoulder or something, it'll be dope as hell."

Zack:With such a minimalist chin he looks a lot like Earthworm Jim in a track suit.

Dr. Thorpe:You know those stupid parody movies where they superimpose faces on thumbs?

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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