Only a harmless garden gnome. It was time for Haggard to get back to his exciting life of chatting up honeys on the Internet for hours upon hours, often ignoring bathrooms and hygiene until it was an emergency.
After long hours staring at that monitor, something seemed different about the gnome, but Haggard couldn't figure it out.
One of Haggard's favorite autonomous pastimes was taking the garbage out and then standing for hours next to the garbage can and texting.
Twice in two days this led to him texting to the point of exhaustion and then sleeping on the bench next to the trash can.
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Yes, there are finally enough games for a new round of One Sentence Reviews
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.