Pardon Our Dust
Something Awful is in the process of changing hands to a new owner. In the meantime we're pausing all updates and halting production on our propaganda comic partnership with Northrop Grumman.
DEAR FURRIES: WE WERE WRONG
Dear god this was an embarrassment to not only this site, but to all mankind
Comforting Masculine Gender Affirmations, by Malt Schlitzmann.
Welcome, you have arrived at: Yourself
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Let's Build A Gundam!
The model kit for the most basic-ass white bread Gundam of all (Johnathan Gundam is its name, I believe) is only $11. I am eager to escape reality. Now that's what I call a formula for adventure!
We Have To Stop Letting Assholes Ruin Everything.
We have to do better. If you feel attacked, it's about you.
Steam Reviews For America
Pay to win garbage. Not even a chance for anyone who got f****d over by RNG. Total scam!
Hey, Corporations! Get your Covid19 and BLM Ads out of the Cool Zone!
This week, I want to talk about corporations using global tragedy to “get their brand name out there” and otherwise profiteer off of human misery.
What Critics Are Saying About The Last of Us Part II
I had to kill a young enemy scout with the detached head and neck of a giraffe. Afterwards, in a powerful moment, Ellie realized it was the giraffe from the first Last of Us. In a more powerful moment, Ellie realized the giraffe's neck was tattooed with the words I BET THAT KID HAD A FAMILY
If Other Workers Acted Like Cops
You’re the one who called in this pizza? Slow down there, chief, we’ll get to the pizza. You won’t mind if I step in. Nice place you got here; looks expensive.
Which of the 24 HBO Streaming Services is Right For You?
It's simple! HBO GO has every HBO series, minus episode 2 of each season. HBO MAX only has each season's episode 2.
Bad Apple Resents Being Compared To Cops
This slander to my appley name will NOT stand.
How to Convince Your Loved Ones to Support the Protests
I illustrate the dramatic difference in perception of the protests between news reports and on-the-scene live-streams
A Closer Look At The Photo Op Bible Trump Spilled Blood To Awkwardly Pose With
I Had Peaceful Protestors Gassed And Beaten So I Could Waddle To This Photo Op Like A Big Boy And All I Got Was This Prop Bible
Knifedad Chat: Phil Elmore (Part 3)
A brief chat about weapons, self defense, senpais, fantasy replica weapons, and assorted chicanery, with Phil Elmore.
Schrödinger's Gay
A self-reflection on the paradox of sexuality and coming to terms with why I need to claim mine.
It's Just a Box
I try to build a box. It's more interesting than that, I promise. Or maybe it's not, but either way you get to see me lose my mind in a way people frequently deem, "humorous."
Check Out This Amazing Inception PASIV Device Made By A Forum Member
Every now and then a forum member posts something so creative and impressive that I stop shouting in anger at my monitor. Today I'd like to highlight a particularly amazing post.
Graduation Speech to the Class of All Hell Has Broken Loose
Advice you don't want from a maniac you don't trust.
"Only" Stand and Wait- A Memorial for Annie Glenn
Think you know who the most accomplished American in history is? I bet you don't. She just passed, and this year for Memorial Day we take a serious moment to remember her.
Tornados Hate Our Freedom
I can not believe the bellyachin' from these kids. "But Bill, we better stay indoors where it's safe", "but Bill, governor says stay away from winders"! That dog won't hunt, son.
World, Listen: You Can't Bargain with a Virus (Part 3)
A detailed account on why the World reopening businesses is just another stage of processing grief over the Covid pandemic.
Diablo 2 Gags n Goofs
Low Quality Zombie Head? Undefiled Grave? Hung Skeleton? Click to find out what these Diablo 2 items share in common. It won't even cost you a Scroll Of Identify.
Knifedad Mailbag Tuesday: Senpaii Showerknife Evangelion (Part 2)
The Knifedads talk about the meaning of Knifedaddery, and how to survive a Florida Drugfight
Scammers Deserve Love Too
If you take the time to talk to African scammers, you can open up a lot about them.
I Can't Think of a Title and It's Making Me Angry! (Covid, too!) (Part 2)
Here's 900 words about me coming to terms with the fact that I absolutely need to channel my anger over this pandemic
Based On Actual Events
Jurassic Park was based on actual events. Specifically, the time that Steven Spielberg stumbled and yelped in surprise at the sight of a small lizard on top of a fence.
We are the Knifedads! Take a SLICE out of DRUGS! (Part 1)
Knifedads and youtube celebrities Karate Johnathan and Steeliest Daniel train the Appleton County High Security Elementary School on resisting drugs and witchcraft.
Finally, Our Long Laid COVID Plans Are Coming To Fruition
Members, bestow yourselves with back pats of honor, for everything is going exactly as planned!
A PRINCESS MOST TERRIBLE IS BORN (Part 1)
This notice is to be bellowed from the tops of the belfries and into every widow's hovel.
Covid and Our Mental Health (Part 1) (Part 1)
Advice about how to treat handling your mental health differently than you would during a normal crisis
Mount & Blade 2: The Adventures of Lunk
By virtue of one thousand pieces of unearned gold and the fact that my floppy white buttcheeks are planted on the top of a horse, I am a leader of soldiers. Well, I say soldiers. What I mean is four grubby drifters with spears and more ear hair than combat experience.
EVERYMAN: A Product from Unilever™
You don't want it, but brother, we've got it! Give us your money! Now! NOW!!
GET MOTIVATED!
In these troubling times, motivation is at an all-time low. Lucky for you, we have the tips you need to get that rear in gear!
The Greatest Video Game of All Time Is Finally Here!
Hey, Gamers: Do you like Super Mario, Doom, Animal Crossing, Forza, Civilization, Slay the Spire, and sandwiches? Then you’ll LOVE the hot new release: Maximum Outer Space
Top-Notch Lord of the Rings Knock Knock Jokes
Knock knock! Who's there? Lembas. Lembas who? Lembas in already, we're cold out here!
Trials Of The Chillsquatch 2: The Lunch Truck of Eternal Satiety (Part 2)
The Chillsquatch returns, to master Chill through the most arduous task of all: Food service.
How A Taco Bell Competition Changed My Life
The true story of how a fast food restaurant indirectly led to our indie game studio's success.
The NFL Draft Will Combine New Tech with Old Coaches and It Will Be a Glorious Train Wreck
With dozens of stodgy old people collectively using new meeting technology to hold the NFL draft virtually, there will almost definitely be some crazy shenanigans like the ones described in this article.
Everything You Knew About Dinosaurs Was WRONG
Misconception: T-Rex was king of the dinosaurs. WRONG. Dinosaurs had no king. Rather than establishing a traditional monarchy, they adopted a parliamentary republic with citizen-initiated referenda.
We Are Powerless To Stop The Nightmare That Is Marmaduke
"And the nights grew hot with the bulk of it, and the days were spent in toil and anguish, feeding and walking, feeding and walking-"
Disney Announces VALIANT Remake
Disney is remaking another one of their beloved classics, but it looks like not all fans are happy about it!
To Mrs. Villagrande, on the Information Superhighway
BFM recounts the caseworker who finally proved to him that there are nice people in this world, and the changes that appear sudden to us now are anything but.
The Five Flavors of Grief - They’re not Just Delicious with Death, Anymore!
My recent trip to the hospital led me to become convinced that reversing the five stages of death has magically beneficial properties.
Filling In An IKEA Manual's Missing Words
Screw the four brackets into the four legs. If you find yourself screwing a fifth bracket into a fifth leg, something has gone terribly wrong.
The Best Puns are Accidental
Everything sucks and the world is run by assholes. Everything is way too expensive for how little fun this all is. Have a joke about a goose.
The Tiger King and I: The Final Part - The Amish Are Not Cool and I'm Coming Home (Part 9)
Part 9, the final installment, of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
Jim Carrey's Nightmare Journal
I’m now one of the heads on the shelves. I rub my teeth together and instinctively shout “THAT’S A SPICY MEATBALL!”
The Tiger King and I: Part 8 - Clowns on The Death March, Tour is Over (Part 8)
Part 8 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
It is I Who Planted, Within the Mind of Elon Musk, the Imbecilic Idea to Shoot a Car Into Space pt.3 (Part 6)
Finally you know the whole story.
We Must Vote For Floor Zombie
Unlike his radical opponent Gov. Nemesis, who stalks his prey relentlessly, Floor Zombie’s bloodthirst is reigned in by his distinct lack of mobility.
The Tiger King and I: Part 7 - Tempers Flare and TimTim shows himself (Part 7)
Part 7 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
The Tiger King and I: Part 6 - Cuba and Other Places Than These (Part 6)
Part 6 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
The Tiger King and I: Part 5 - The Tour Begins (Part 5)
Part 5 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
Another Day At The Bounce House Business Complex
Brain Surgeon For Fleas? Sorry, you've got the wrong bounce house. You need to go that way, just past the Warhammer Miniatures Painting Workshop bounce house.
The Tiger King and I: Part 4 - Chainsaws and Colostomy Bags (Part 4)
Part 4 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
I Lost My Faith In President Mountain
Growing up, I was indoctrinated to believe that many of the Founding Fathers of America were real people that walked the earth, not just fairytales. But now as I've grown up, I'm starting to doubt it all.
The Tiger King and I: Part 3 - Of Kangaroos and Men (Part 3)
Part 3 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
Interview with Rani Baker game designer, music genius, queen of nightmares (Part 1)
Interview with Rani Baker, Goon Lurker and Internet Hero.
The Tiger King and I: Part 2 - The Tour Doesn't Start for Two Weeks (Part 2)
Part 2 of an exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
The Tiger King and I - My Stories from Working at America's Most Controversial Zoo (Part 1)
An exclusive look into the madness that was being an employee of 'Tiger King," a controversial zoo that is the subject of a wildly popular new Netflix documentary series.
We're Here For You
For a limited time you can buy a luxury car with a low down payment and no interest for six months. This is the same promotion we planned to run anyway, but our commercial voiceovers are reading the details in a somber, reassuring tone.
I, Batman's Armor, Am Voting Trump
You’ve pushed me too far this time. While I was out here taking LITERAL BULLETS for Gotham City’s greatest hero, all you CUCKS can do is point and laugh.
It is I Who Planted, Within the Mind of Elon Musk, the Imbecilic Idea to Shoot a Car Into Space (Part 3)
Please accept this as an apology, of sorts.
Here’s What I Learned Moderating a Treasure Hunt for Crazy People
There's an online treasure hunt that, for reasons, has attracted a lot of people with fantastically intricate solves that are communicated in hilariously baffling ways.
Half-Life: Alyx Complete Walkthrough
The scowling Combine guard commands you to pick up a piece of trash and throw it in the garbage can. Do as he says. Now he commands you to pick up another piece of trash and throw it in the garbage can from the three point line. Do this as well.
Congratulations From The US Dads Association!
Congratulations on your Computer Science degree! You no doubt have a great desire to put that strong technical mind to good use, but there’s one big problem: You can’t think of any good ideas!
Absolutely EVERYTHING You Need to Know About the Coronavirus!
IF YOU DO NOT READ THIS ARTICLE, YOU WILL PROBABLY DIE. EVENTUALLY.
Coronavirus Dos and Don'ts
DO take this time to finally catch up on all that worrying you've been meaning to do. DON'T forget to take fifteen minutes breaks to worry after every hour of worrying.
I Haven't Seen the Original Star Wars Movies But I Know More About Them Than You
I know about the Ice Planet Huh which is where that famous conflict took place, the Battle of Yeahman.
Welcome to 2020, Poverty 2.0!
Imagine a bar graph labeled "quality." Then imagine a second, taller bar graph, also labeled "quality." That's the return on investment you'll see when you give your worker drones the bare necessities required to make you richer. That's redefining the zeitgeist of success in the neofeudal digital media 2.0 frontier. Gerald Ford would be proud!
What Happens Every Time You Turn On Your Computer
Remember that program you thought you uninstalled? Now taking its remnants and hiding them in another location like system_hidden/roamingsupersecret/935093581/essentialfiles...
How to Get the Corn Out of the Pot
There is a corn in the pot. The pot is hot. The pot is full of water and the water is hot. It's all hot. The heat underneath is what is making it hot. How do you get the corn out of there?
Unreliable Narrator
In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Oh dear, I forgot to pick Luke up at the airport.
Peculiar Panels: The Flash (Part 5)
Is this really the first Peculiar Panels in six years? Well, let's pretend I ended the last installment by saying we would be back in a Flash. GET IT?
The CEO of Extremely Shady, Inc. Apologizes for the Events of the Iowa Caucuses
The CEO of the company responsible for the SHADY app defends his developers, parent company, and the mysterious people on the board of that company.
Fast Food Flops
The Jared: A tuna sub pressed into the shape of Subway Jared's face, with a tomato slice for a leering smile and jalapenos for his dead eyes. This sub proved to be unpopular because Subway is bland trash on garbage bread.
The Key to Peace in the Middle East is My Charisma
I am a bottomless abyss of charisma. Gaze deeply and peace shall follow.
5G Disrupts Weather Forecasting, Now See What We'll Put Up With For 6G-20G
5G disrupts over-the-air tv and inhibits weather forecasting, placing human lives at risk. But it's one more G! So it's faster! What's next?
John Delaney is the only choice for America
Believe it or not, John Delaney is still running for president.
Movies Greenlit by the New Warner Brothers Production AI
A preview of some of the movies generated by the Warner Brothers production AI.
Fifteen Years Ago I Was the Victim of a $20 Batman Caper and I'm Still Furious
My knee had once been chopped up by a running boat propeller. As a child I had saved up my allowance for months to buy Bart vs the Space Mutants for the NES. So yeah, I was familiar with how arbitrary and cruel life could be. But this was different.
FilmFAQS: How to Watch Inside Llewyn Davis
This walkthrough is for users who plan to watch the theatrical release of Inside Llewyn Davis in a movie theater. You will need to wait for my Blu-Ray and streaming walkthroughs if you plan to watch the movie on a Blu-Ray disc or stream it.
