Barbie Vacation Adventure
"Barbie Vacation Adventure" is another old video game that was not very good. This means I have to play it or my family starves.
Castle of Dragon
Teenage girls, the homosexual agenda, and DARKLARZA making love to your significant other. All in a week's ROM Pit.
Chiller
"Chiller" for the NES was famous for being really gory, although not too famous because I'd never heard of it. Oh, how I long for those days.
Legacy of the Wizard
"Legacy of the Wizard" for the NES was intentionally designed to fuck you off!
Family Dog
"Family Dog" for the SNES teaches us not to abuse animals, because then they might star in their own platformer and flail about, ruining everyone's fun!
Clash at Demonhead
For this week only, Raptor Red puts a bunch of goddamn .pngs in your ROM Pit! Because "Clash at Demonhead" does not deserve words.
Lost Word of Jenny: Gamer Girls in the Making
This week, the ROM Pit gives us a look into the lives of two young gamer girls as Courtney and her BFF Heather review "The Lost Word of Jenny."
Jaws
The ROM Pit reviews "Jaws," a 1987 title for the Nintendo Entertainment System so bizarre that we started rooting for the shark.
Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom
There are people who say "Princess Tomato in the Salad Kingdom" was a good video game. There are also people who say the Holocaust never happened, but that doesn't make it right.
Cool World
Every single time a game is based on a movie, it sucks ass. This is no different.
DYNOWARZ: Destruction of Spondyus
The ROM Pit Reviews "DYNOWARZ: Destruction of Spondylus," a 1989 Nintendo game that has been scientifically proven to be the most immature concept ever to exist.
Where's Waldo?
Words are hard. That's why this week's ROM Pit is all pictures, all the time! It's also because "Where's Waldo?" is too terrible to review and Raptor Red is a lazy cunt.
Mario's Time Machine
This one should be somewhat familiar. If not, go to hell.
Trolls on Treasure Island
The worst thing about "Trolls on Treasure Island" is not that it's about a god-awful 1990s franchise, or even that this 1992 NES title has graphics that look like an Atari with extra chromosomes. No, the worst thing about "Trolls" is simply Octavio. He is also the besthing.
Sonic the Hedgehog 2
Even though the ROM Pit doesn't want to dampen the enthusiasm for the awesome "Sonic and the Black Knight," it's time we unleash our justice on an unfortunate mistake along the way: the deplorable "Sonic the Hedgehog 2." Think it was a good game? Prepare to have your world torn down.
PacMania 2
I never liked PacMan and this game sure a hell didn't change my mind. I honestly have no idea where these long descriptions show up and I think I am typing this for no reason.
Back to the Future II
The ROM Pit reviews the video game incarnation of “Back to the Future II,” and subsequently realizes that every goddamn NES game is a ripoff of 2-3 other NES games that managed not to suck.
Little Red Hood
Come to the glorious jungles of Taiwain with "Little Red Hood," a game which takes the wolf out of the classic fairy tale and replaces it with creepy child molestors. And stairs.
Godzilla - Monster of Monsters!
Raptor Red is unhappy about playing a shitty NES game about Godzilla. Her tears are sad. Sad, and tired.
Bronkie the Bronchiasaurus
"Bronkie the Bronchiosaurus" is an SNES game about dinosaurs with asthma. No, really.
ROBODEMONS
"Robodemons" was made by Color Dreams Inc, which is technically the same company that made "Bible Adventures" and other Jesus-tinged lore. Funny how their descend into hell is no more palatable!
X-perts
I know that games for the Rom Pit are supposed to be bad but this one takes the cake. Terrorist cake.
Warpspeed
Ah... 1993... Back then I was just a wee child stuck in a mountain town in North Carolina. We had a savage blizzard that knocked out the electricity for days. My dad shoveled the nearly 100 yard driveway to get beer so he would not go Jack Nicholson ala Shining on our asses.
Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure
Did you own "Bill and Ted's Excellent Video Game Adventure" as a kid?! Of course you didn't because then you'd still be wandering around a bitmap somewhere!
Taz-Mania
Somebody rated "Taz Mania" 7.7 out of 10. This person needs to be hunted down and eaten.
Rambo
"Rambo" for the Nintendo Entertainment System is an excellent game if you like MANLY things! Except it's not because the only manly thing involved in it is an extremely tight manass. Hooray!
WWF Wrestlemania
The 1988 Nintendo game "WWF Wrestlemania" was basically everyone slobbing Hulk Hogan's knob. Please don't think about that in too much detail.
Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball
Did you know there was a video game for the Super Nintendo so EXTREME it only needed one button? HOLY FUCKIN RADICAL.
Caveman Games
Why the hell were there so many video games about cavemen? Dinosaurs are awesome, but there is no fucking excuse for this.
Belle's Quest
Everyone knows Girls Don't Play Video Games. But with shit like "Beauty and the Beast: Belle's Quest" aimed at their demographic, can you blame us?
Foton: The Ultimate Game on Planet Earth
Do you enjoy running around in dark tunnels, hopeless, confused, and without purpose? Well that's probably what your entire life is like, but that doesn't mean Foton: The Ultimate Game on Planet Earth wasn't a terrible, terrible idea! In fact, this game is so far the CROWN JEWEL OF THE ROM PIT. Hooray!
Tiny Toon Adventues
"Tiny Toon Adventures" was a Saturday morning cartoon that many a regressed manchild can't let go of. I let go of the cartridge for the video game adaption rather forcefully, and happened to drop it under a pile of bricks! Ooops!
Adventures of Dino Riki
Last week, we claimed that "Ninja Kid" defined the clusterfuck. With "The Adventures of Dino Riki," we've changed our minds. The ROM Pit is the gift that just keeps giving!
Ninja Kid
Raptor Red should be writing her 9000 billion papers. Instead, she spent a week playing a shitty anime game from 1986. Ninja Kid is so exciting, I could shoot myself!
The Magic School Bus
Finally, Raptor Red has manned up and reviewed a game she actually liked as a kid. Replaying 1995's "The Magic Schoolbus" has sent her into fits of self-loathing.
Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival
The Muppets were great! "Muppet Adventure: Chaos at the Carnival" was not great! It's a horribly inept game based on puppets from 1990. The hell do you expect?
Spellcraft
This is a review of the SNES video game "Spellcraft," but it is also a heartrending story of a young boy who turned to drugs and virginity to ease his pain. Please, don't do drugs.
Dragon Power
Raptor Red reviews "Dragon Power," which is actually "Dragon Ball" but -brace yourself- somehow even shittier.
Popeye
"Popeye" is a terrible video game and I have no idea how I played it, let alone stretched it into an article. But this GRRRL writer totally POSTED PIXXX in it!!!1
Arm Joe
Did you know there's a Street Fighter clone based on Les Miserables? Yes, I mean Victor Hugo's novel of turmoil during the French Revolution, and the subsequent musical. Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to inform you.
Wurm: Journey to the Center of the Earth
"Wurm: Journey to the Center of the Earth" is another bad video game from the early 90s that is slowly weakening my will to live. God, when the fuck does this shit stop?
Werewolf: The Last Warrior
This is a review of "Werewolf: The Last Warrior" for the original Nintendo Entertainment System. I fucking congratulate it, because it's the first ROM ever to genuinely fill my heart with hate.
Hello Kitty's Flower Shop
Something Awful's ROM Pit reviews "Hello Kitty's Flower Shop," a game for kids that's so much fun it never saw the light of day in English!
Awesome Possum
SomethingAwful's ROM Pit reviews Awesome Possum, a Sonic ripoff that demands you save the environment OR ELSE ITS PROTAGONIST WON'T FUCKING SHUT UP.
Mission Impossible
SomethingAwful's ROM Pit reviews Mission: Impossible for the NES. What could be more fantastic than explosions, tedium, and racism?!
Swamp Thing
Reynaldo P. Mellenfritz takes over the ROM Pit for a day to pitch his FANTASTIC video game idea, "Swamp Thing."
Bignose the Caveman
SomethingAwful's ROM Pit reviews "Bignose the Caveman," a game showcasing such stupidity that Intelligent Design and Evolution both gave up and joined a suicide cult together. Let's have a peek!
McDonald's Treasureland Adventure
"McDonalds Treasureland Adventure" shocks by being an advertisement game that is... actually pretty fun. It also turns SomethingAwful's ROM Pit writer into a gibbering, sociopathic monster.
Golgo 13
"Golgo 13" is an absolutely horrendous game about secret agents and animes. The ROM Pit brings you the pain on a silver platter.
Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
In case "Swing Vote" wasn't enough of a reason to make you hate Kevin Costner, here's a disgusting NES game based on "Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves," reviewed by the ROM Pit!
