Let's Give That Sonic the Hedgehog Movie a Chance
Let people enjoy things or so help me god...
This Next Order Could Save the Jumpsuit Factory
WARNING: This article could have spoilers about the movie Us. I'm not 100% sure.
New Company Policies in Place at EA
In order to bring morale back to standard levels, please consider following these new mandatory directives, the not following of which will result in loss of job.
Optional Upgrades for Your Upcoming Flight
Fly and pay in luxury with our collection of complimentary-class offerings.
Editorial: Jeers to the Sky Orb
I've got something to say about that sphere in the sky: norb thanks.
Your Oscars Best Picture 2019 Guide from Someone Who Doesn't Watch Movies
With eight movies fighting for Oscar gold, which one will win? I don't know! But you don't either.
Advice for Your Electric Scooter Rental
Welcome to the exciting world of wheeled scooting!
Schultz 2020: Don't Take My Money
To my fellow Americans, I have one simple message: I'm not paying for any of this.
A Copy of Dude, Where's My Country? Responds to Tidying up with Marie Kondo
A valuable possession pleads for its life.
A Visit from The Ghost of Two Days After Christmas
What day is this? Why, it's two days after Christmas Day!
Specific Instructions for Our "ALF in Peril" Sexual Roleplay
Honey, I would like to take you on a freight train to Pound Town with ALF himself as the mad engineer.
5 Essential Tips for Mugging Me
Mugging me is easy, fun, AND profitable! Here's how.
The Skeleton Uber
There was a new kind of Uber in town. A skeleton Uber. It was called "Skeleton Uber" because it was a kind of Uber driven exclusively by skeletons.
Your Halloween Superstore Proprietor Urges You to Buy Local
This Halloween, log off and visit your friends at the local Halloween Superstore.
The Awful Guide to Podcasting, Part 2
Welcome to the world of working endlessly to please an audience specifically downloading your show to find mistakes.
The Awful Guide to Podcasting, Part 1
As we say in the podcast biz, "If Joe Rogan can do it, anyone can."
Your Official Guide to BRICKO(tm) Terminology
Familiarize yourself with the several thousand don'ts found in the exciting world of BRICKO(tm).
I'm So Sorry (If You Were Offended)
Have I made any mistakes in this long life of mine? Of course not.
My Written Game Review That I Definitely Didn't Plagiarize from YouTube
An honest, true review of Hollow Knight with 100% original text. DO NOT STEAL.
Stern Dad Reviews: More Arts and Crafts
Every misshapen gift you give me is like a hot dagger in my heart.
Editorial: Puns Are Destroying Our New Cat Society
In our new cat society, things have really gone from bad to purrse.
Mrs. Huckabee Sanders, You Will ALWAYS Be Welcome at Blimpie
Treat yourself to a delicious sub and turn that dead-eyed scowl upside-down!
Nintendo: Put Dino Riki in Smash Bros. or I Will Take My Own Life
Mr. Sakurai-sama, where the FRICK is Dino Riki!?
10 Things You Must Do In Asbestos Creek Before You Die
Everything to do in our one-horse town outside of the horse.
I Would Honestly Love to be Called an Ape
For what is an ape but a more powerful version of man?
This Millennial Proves Hard Work Truly Pays Off
Grab your bootstraps and give them a good yank for this inspiring tale of prosperity.
Barbara Bush: 19??-2018
Editor's Note: Due to a freak power outage, this obituary of Barbara Bush was written without the benefit of research. In order to pay our respects to this great woman in a timely fashion, we have decided to post this piece as-is. We hope you forgive any errors on our part.
DYLAN WILL GET YOU TABS
HEY MAN YOU LOOKIN FOR TABS ? DYLAN WILL GET YOU TABS. HOW MANY TABS YOU WANT ?? BECAUSE DYLAN GOT THEM ALL
Might I Interest You in Some Q-Tips?
Ma'am, what if I told you I have the miracle of a lifetime right here in this briefcase?
This Costco Membership Could Really Turn Our Family Around
Yessir, if this family continues to not mention past incidents, Costco could give us all a new lease on life.
No One Wants to Get Shot, But You Don't Have to Be Rude About It
We're not going to solve gun massacres with bad manners, people.
You Call THIS an Intervention?
The only twelve-step program I want to take are the twelve steps it takes to get me out of this room. Give or take a few steps.
10 Things Cut from Trump's State of the Union Address
All the dirt on the latest thing the President did that you'll forget about in two days.
Raw Chicken: Silicon Valley's Latest Power Meal
Those geniuses in Silicon Valley have done it again and unlocked the true power of chicken.
Your Three Days After Christmas Shopping Guide
Missed Christmas? Retain your few remaining friendships with our handy guide.
5 Mediocre Christmas Gifts for Your Mediocre Friends
Nothing but the most convenient for the outer rung of your circle of friends.
He's Prim, He's Proper, He's the Serial Killer Next Door
Serial killers: they're just like you and me.
NFL Protests Have Made My Rowdy Friends Significantly Less Rowdy
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
Stern Dad Reviews: Your Arts and Crafts
You tried, but you failed. And I'm here to tell you how in excruciating detail.
Make Halloween Great Again
The scariest thing about Halloween isn't ghouls or ghosts. It's the PC police.
Apologies from the Good Guy with a Gun
You might be disappointed in me, but I'm honestly way more disappointed in myself.
I'll Just Be Over Here, Saying Things
Afraid of ideas and free speech? Well then you better not read this article, coward.
THE BEAT SHEET - The ONLY Newsletter FOR COPS BY COPS
Get the REAL DIRT from BIG BOYS IN BLUE who deal with BAD HOMBRES!
I Only Attended That Nazi Rally for Research Purposes
To be honest, it's extremely insulting to be labeled a "Nazi." Was I marching with several Nazis? Yes. Was I waving a Nazi flag as I marched? Yes, but only out of kindness: I was holding it for another man so he could wave a larger Nazi flag.
A Treatise on Gender by Todd from Accounts Payable
One completely reasonable non-sexist man explains why women shouldn't be tortured by white-collar jobs.
Dear President Oboe IV
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
5 Essential Tips for Mass Transit Travel
Remember, traveling underground in a rickety metal tube full of farts carries its own specific code of conduct.
I'm Pretty Sure this Airbnb is Just a Treehouse
I had to register my complaints while they were still fresh. And while the bark was still fresh and pliable.
A Stoner's Lament
One brave man discovers drugs aren't as accessible as the media would have you believe.
Essential Playerunknown's Battlegrounds Tips
Get good at the hottest online murder simulator with our collection of hints.
