Oh wow, another reason to stop eating bacon. I can't wait to kick the teeth in of the unholy offspring that shoot out of this fantastic relationship.

Well what do you know, it's the unholy offspring of some guy having sex with a pig. Yes, I kicked its teeth in after I spent six unsuccessfully hours trying to guess its gender.

The one and only Gothic Garden Service. They're the "one and only" because I used all the other ones throat's to shoot out fireworks for the 4th of July. After I got done shooting off the fireworks, I tried to cook some ribs on my grill but I accidentally put it on an uneven surface so it started rolling down the hill and it hit Gary Mentez's boat and caught it on fire. I tried to put out the fire by breaking a bottle of gin over Gary's face, but that didn't work so I had to settle for taking his dartboard and going to sleep in my garage.

The Computer Machine Wizard. His hat contains secrets.

The South Appleton High School geography teacher. I told the PTA that they need to fire this rat bastard's ass because kids shouldn't be learning about crap like Canada in school. They hung up the phone on me so I got my revenge by ordering 30 pizzas to the school and then when the delivery guy showed up, I stole his car and rammed it into the statue of Grover Cleveland or whoever that guy is at the park. The bumper of the car fell off so I tried to sell it to the guy at the pawn shop, but he didn't give me crap for it.

Oh well this is certainly festive.