Nothing like a little early morning repulsion. Eat up, jackasses, you'll need the energy when you're trying to keep your limbs from flying off after I beat you with the new garden rake I got free from Lowe's Home Improvement Center because I won the "Guess Who Knocked Out the Cashier With a Brick" contest that they didn't know they were holding. Don't shop at Lowe's because they once tried to overcharge me $5.71 on some lattice I was buying and you can't pull the wool over my eyes, I may look old but I got the reflexes of a junkyard dog and I'll rip your eyeballs out and shove potting soil into the empty sockets if you try to pull that kind of ripoff shit on me.

This picture was taken when half of East Appleton was sucked into the Twilight Zone and was transported back to 1984. Oh wait, that was just a dream I had, these social shitsuckers are just normal Appleton City citizens posing for yet another "Let's Be Fucking Retarded" photo. Now that I think about it, that dream I had was really great, I dreamt I had this canoe made out of gold and then Stalin came up and I kicked his ass just like I did in Nam and there was this hot broad who was saying "oh Cliff, give it to me baby" and I did. Also NASCAR is for white trash fuckwhips. I meant to write that last part about NASCAR like 40 pages ago, but I forgot and I don't know how to change my old pages so I'm putting it here so you'd either get used to it or turn off my goddamn Interweb computer machine and shut the fuck up.

Nice outfit there, Ham Commando. I hope the bus you're waiting for has a trailer hitch the size of a mobile home you goddamn chunkyfucked sack of cottage cheese.

I have no clue what the fuck that thing is, but I really hope it's heading for the return counter of the store.

Hey! No!!!