Principal Mike Mierde teaches his students shit the old fashioned way: by putting them in a headlock and ramming them into a locker door until they finally understand the goddamn Dewey Decimal system. That's how they taught me when I was a kid and that's why I turned out to be such a remarkable, upstanding citizen, unlike the ratbag retards these days who are dumber than a bucket of hair. You want to know why our educational system is so screwed up? It's simple: the fucking Metric System. Goddamn commies trying to take over our American measurements by making up shit like "meters" and "liters" and "fortnights" or whatever the hell they've got in the Metric System these days.

I'd like to claim that this is a costume, but you've seen the size of the wide loads rolling around this hellhole. This isn't considered a human in these parts, it's called a snack.


I didn't know if chunkmonster Eddie Burton could swim, so I tossed his ass into the creek while I took the liberty of liberating his wallet and wife's panty collection. It turns out shit not only stinks, but it also sinks.

Lord of the Livingroom poses shortly before embarking on his exciting, fun quest of "trying to get to Mount Grocery Store" before Cliffy the Conqueror shoves a street sign up his ass. His mission was a failure, but if it's any consolation, I went to the grocery store and robbed it afterwards. I did it in his honor, and if you don't believe me, then you're just like that stupid racist Jap judge.

The recluses in South Appleton like drinking their own fresh urine through hollowed-out pool cues. In this image, Dave Marlmon tries the "Spring Brew" and decides it tastes a lot like the internal bleeding I caused him shortly after throwing him against a grain silo and calling the cops, claiming he was a Muslim terrorist trying to pay the Yeti to suicide bomb the local Gas-N-Go. Goddamn Muslims should go back to Muslimvania!