White Trash Mysteries Episode 1 - "Who Dumped All This Ugly Shit Into Our Living Room?"

SEA HAG ON LEFT: "I must return to my native land before the skin on my face dissolves."

SEA HAG ON RIGHT: "Furniture doesn't say 'class' unless you can buy it for less than two dollars."

These two filthy creatures live in Lower South Appleton. I forgot their names. You can look them up in the police blotter if you're interested.

White Trash Mysteries Episode 2 - "Who Dumped All This Shit Into Our Bedroom?"

Maybe Joe Marsell should take those paper towels on his dresser and use them to wipe off that disgusting brown fungus growing on his wife's meaty paw of a hand. Notice the "touch of class" that the stupid rose on her shirt adds. It's like wrapping a ribbon around a garbage dump.

Poor guy. The dad from "Family Ties" is hard up for work these days.

Aargh! Franklin the Gothic Pirate wonders where he misplaces his pegleg.

I don't want to know why this freak's gothic goggles are smeared with white stuff. This photo lends credibility to my idea that we should make zoos and dump all the goth freaks into them so us normal people can throw sticks and shit at them while they listen to the Cure and paint their faces or whatever they hell they spend all day doing.

Haha!!! Vinny the Tough Guy protects his collection of Beanie Babies!!!

"If you want Boris the Bear, you aint getting him without a fight! I'll pinch the heck out of you, mister!"