7-11 employee Greg Brennings displays a slight bit of displeasure after realizing I spiked his shampoo with Super Glue. I can only imagine the joy he felt in his gut after realizing I spiked his Yoohoo with drain cleaner. I also took the liberty of stabbing the simp in the face with a broken bottle of schnapps I found in an alleyway next to a dog's gutted corpse. Merry Christmas, I fucking hate you and will decorate my tree with your entrails.

Mark Garrison shows why nobody allows him to house-sit anymore. One red vacuum tube and 14 pounds of goldfish later, and the jackass is still hungry.

I found this thing growing on that couch I bought at Peterson's garage sale last weekend for $2.50. It cost me more than that for all the lighter fluid I used to "disinfect" it.

Man? Woman? Halloween prank? Kitchen appliance? It doesn't matter to my steel-lined combat boot.

Riding on the short bus is free, but you have to watch Tommy Henderson count the number of Big Macs he had for breakfast.

West Appleton's number one rated show: "Look What I Flushed!"