Hopeful fans are consumed with worry about the new Star Wars movie. Allow J.J. Abrams to put those fears, and all others, to rest.
As we confront the darkness of the American zeitgeist, we should turn to a true example of tolerance: the toilet ghoulie.
With heavily armed and armored jihadis and maniacs invading our public spaces, there is only one clear path to self-defense.
Forget Target or Best Buy, if you want deals this Black Friday you can't do better than smoking massive, mind-melting quantities of DMT.
You may think apps are cool, but there is actually something way cooler going on at General Electric.
Who among the 2016 presidential candidates has the biggest flag? Who has the smallest? These are the questions that demand answers.
All I wanted was a comedy show. What I got was an attack on my child and our family.
If you're not playing fantasy football, but your friends or coworkers are in a league, you are enduring the single worst thing a human can survive: the fantasy football conversation. We're here to help.
Doctor Ben Carson, Popeye's survivor, has some advice about school shootings, terrorists on airplanes, chopping malls, and more perilous scenarios.
Sinners are an easy target and one that is already suffering in squalor. Aim higher. Punch up.
Voters are finally asking Donald Trump the hard questions and here are a few you are likely to hear at upcoming town halls.
My wife and I dwell in a simpler time, even if the foolish modern world goes on around us.
The bigotry must stop in this country. Sonic and Tails belong together and their happiness is all that matters.
The ISIS head of propaganda holds a brainstorming session with his top men to come up with new viral videos.
We did not begin this war, but America must not quit it until it has been won. Our rights must be protected and the sacrifice of all those brave men and women must be honored.
Making films may be a visual medium, we may live in an era of everyone having a video camera, but you're going to read a description of an advertisement.
Dwight Eisenhower prepared for every contingency with his D-Day Speeches.
Choose which screen beast you want to triumph in the primary and face Hillary in the lair of the white worm.
This Halloween, the most terrifying house for policemen is opening its doors. If you're a cop, get ready to have nightmares!
Leonard Cohen's "Nevermind" is sliced up differently for each episode of True Detective's second season. Find out what the lyrics mean!
The real HELL IN THE CELL is inside Hulk Hogan's hateful jabroni heart.
NASA scientists have new data to analyze from the New Horizons probe that may finally help them to understand the word "exciting."
Unforgettable quotes from the time a cursed supermax prison played host to a weird bunch of troubled kids on this infamous episode of "Beyond Scared Straight."
Pope Francis, the best Pope, has a number of upcoming encyclicals to change the way Catholics view the world.
Did Louis C.K. jerk off in front of two female comics? And why are these ladies squandering an opportunity to learn from a comedy legend?
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
Harry Potter and friends are returning in a new trilogy of films. Get your wizard hats ready and find out who will be back and which fan favorites may be introduced to the screen.
Terrible attendance and negative press have SeaWorld going on the offensive with an advertisement about their whales.
First Tim Hunt comes in here wearing no lab coat and just a sweater vest and button down, then he expects us to concentrate on labeling specimens. As if!
We are begging you: keep watching! Whether or not you watch Game of Thrones means everything to us.
The controversial new massacre video game Hatred is finally available. Find out what drove the nameless protagonist over the edge.
What is the world searching for when it wants porn? The stats will blow your mind.
Apparently you do want to be lonely, because you defied the one rule of Farmers Only.
We've found some cool stuff in the woods. Now it's time for you to pinkie swear you won't tell mom and dad.
If there is one quality all men in art share, it's male privilege. And they can't even believe how much of it they have.
The band Tool goes to traffic court to argue, using diagrams, photographic evidence, and alt metal expanded consciousness, that they could not see a No Parking sign and therefore should not have to pay a parking ticket.
This tuna ain't working, bro, and this gross hot dog needs a one way trip to go live on your uncle's Flavor Farm.
You may have thought that a long dead author who was basically terrified of black people would be bad at the dozens. And you'd be right.
Dr. Oz, professional TV doctor, offers up some dieting tips and advice on how to remove all your negative ions.
Are you ready to be consistently depressed by how you're throwing your money and life away? Check out Loot Crate's 2015 lineup of upcoming crates!
The Internet is obsessed with the new trailer for Brazilian Star Wars part 2. We break down the action for insight into the upcoming film.
Legendary author Cormac McCarthy takes time out of his schedule of describing run down Americana to answer parenting questions.
Looking for a sweet, sweet taste of that conservative gofundme cash? Our signs will help your business get things started.
The release of Pillars of Eternity has helped restore our faith in Kickstarter backed games. The Kickstarter backers pitched in to make a great game with these amazing characters.
Rock legend David Bowie has changed his identity with almost every album. Can you remember all these classic Bowie characters?
Tucker Carlson's idiot brother just called New York mayor Bill de Blasio's spokeswoman a "LabiaFace."
Guess you should have respected your parents, because you're dead and in hell now and Jimmy Fallon has some games for you to play to pass the time forever.
Federal law requires Nine Inch Nails to include all common side effects while promoting the benefits of their so-called "Perfect Drug."
NFL teams may soon be lining up to bid on a man who can destroy defensive lines as thoroughly as he destroyed his own child's balls.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has sworn to personally investigate the murder of opposition leader Boris Nemtsov. In fact, Putin plans to use his expertise to solve most major crimes.
Women on the Oscars Red Carpet this year finally get some decent questions thanks to the #AskHerMore campaign.
New Rule: no more injecting your religion into this debate. The vaccine science is in and I have read several articles about it on Natural News.
Heed the warnings of Axl Rose and do not visit an actual jungle. And if you do, be prepared to poop yourself to death.
In this touching and deeply spiritual prose poem, the Lord finally answers my questions about all those footprints on the beach.
NBC Nightly News anchor Brian Williams apologizes for getting confused about some details about an incident that happened a long time ago on the planet Krull.
Will you die fighting for what you believe or will you be stepping out of the shower when your pet kills you? From samurai duels to Craigslist deals gone bad, we rank all the ways to die.
That atheist professor should have kept his mouth shut around this American Sniper.
6-year-old Hunter died and went to heaven. It just wasn't the heaven he was expecting.
Time to say goodbye to suburban and city clutter and move out to an unzoned property with just me, my dog, and a selection of adult magazines in special compartments.
The conservative town of Bomont is about to get slightly more conservative as the Nigerian terrorists invade.
Shutter Island? More like open workgroup! We have devised a new floor plan for the office based on 19th century insane asylums.
An early draft of the KMFDM song "Megalomaniacal" reveals a much more extensive list of interesting groups of people.