The International Criminal Court in The Hague ruled against LMFAO's 'Party Rock Anthem,' on the grounds that the crime against humanity did not actually include any rock in spite of its title. The song was forbidden from being sold, distributed, played, and referenced.
Do you love the fantasy genre? Are you tired of laboring through hundreds of pages of world building and plot to get to your favorite parts, where characters eat, or think about eating, or look at food? Do you ever wish you could get right to the good stuff?
Standing at a podium in a large conference room, his hands neatly folded before him, Bruce Willis patiently waits. The seats before him - once filled with virtual members of actual press outlets who had hailed Second Life as a blazing beacon of the future of human interaction and business - sit unoccupied.
Favorite Italian Power Ranger - Giancarlo (the orange Ranger)
ESPN informs us that some of the victims will "probably" remember their sexual abuse for the rest of their lives. Probably. Some people are good at remembering stuff and some people aren't. This is one of those things that might be important enough to stick around in your head longer than a few hours. Then again, it might not. Fascinating!
I don't plan on being attacked, as nothing can possibly see me if I crouch and keep a distance of at least ten feet. If I'm in the wild for a prolonged period, however, I will need to hunt for food. With a full quiver of Lord Of Rings War In The North arrows, I should be able to take down a lion of a decent enough size to keep me fed for weeks.
A lot of people seem to think that with the introduction of Pandaren as the next playable race, World Of Warcraft has become too ridiculous. Cries of "Blizzard jumped the shark this time!" and "Pandas just don't fit into the game!" have sprung up everywhere that people like to complain. Which means across the entire internet.
Getting the facts wrong is more helpful in an investigation than you'd think. Many a case has been solved at the outset by reading everything I had written about a suspect aloud, letting them correct me on every detail, including the line that said "did not commit the murder".
I'd like to suggest that the Naughty Dog team avoids the following treasures for their next game, as I really enjoy Uncharted and would hate to see it get even more stupid than the monster people and terrible final boss fights that have taken big smelly dumps on the first two games.
Sting ended up getting mad at me one night because I did a skinfart on his forearm (the one he plays sweet bass with) and he put two enormous holes in the hood of my Hankmobile with his chompers. Dude's got incisors like a hippo. Don't fuck with him.
Having green skin is a capital offense in Georgia, which you would already know if you saw the finale of the Hulk television series. Why should this impact Orcs that live outside the state? As it turns out, a century old zoning error expanded Georgia's jurisdiction across all fictional realms.
Fall is upon us, and you know what that means. No, not a seasonal change accompanied by the fluttering of red and gold leaves through crisp air that compels you to snuggle up in a blanket and sip hot cocoa from the ear canal of a loved one. It means it's time to read a middling internet humorist's take on Fall's new shows.
My sources have confirmed that the iPhone 5 is on the way, and that it will have a little face with pudgy cheeks that you can pinch. Everyone's favorite device is now cuter, and it has a tiny button nose that wiggles. Future revisions may include big blue eyes that sparkle and wink.
Susan and I plan on groaning on the floor of the cave all morning, our gaunt faces blank, the detached expressions of those who with little time left and less to live for. We'll try to get out of here early, swing by the supply shack to pick up some party hats and punch (do you need punch?) and arrive a little early to help you set up.
Luigi is an all around good guy that has lived through some heavy shit. He is world weary and alone. He braves haunted mansions while hating himself for being too weak to confront his own personal ghosts. Rather than supporting his brother from a healthy distance, Luigi shadows Mario and lives vicariously through his failures and victories.
An automated turret sits at the end of a hallway that you really want to explore. There's a ladies' bathroom, a computer full of emails just begging to be snooped through, and several dozen future candy bars and future beers strewn about on someone's office floor.
Hey it's your neighbor! We've never actually spoken to one another, but of all the words that have violated your tender earholes throughout your entire life, more have originated from my bleating mouth than from all of your loved ones combined! Do you know why! Because I am constantly screaming!
Step One: Empty your bladder in a wide arc. The pungent scent of your urine will keep predators at bay. When night falls, it will also glow, providing a much-needed source of light.
My minor was in Hell Portals, and while I was not naive enough to think it would land me a job in the real world, it was nonetheless a fulfilling and eye-opening subject. As something of a liberal idealist I tended to argue against the opening of hell portals - much to the amusement of some of my classmates and professors.
Brothers! Here we are on the cusp of war, a mere hundred dwarves standing between our homelands and the invading horde. Our weapons are dull, our hands untrained in combat. We have not had a decent nap in weeks. Our ale stores have diminished, leading many to suckle their beards for sustenance. Some have even resorted to water and vegetables.
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Your companion in BioShock Infinite is Elizabeth, a young woman with a sweet haircut and the unique ability to interact with tears in reality. Previews have cited examples of this power such as pulling a wagon from another dimension into your own for cover and depositing crowds of sympathetic fighters near your enemies.
The impact of the NFL lockout extends far beyond fans of the sport. Sponsors, television networks, thousands of working class team employees, and Pittsburgh area rape kit suppliers will all be affected if the season doesn't begin as scheduled this September.
Liam Gallagher's contributions to the medium of assholery far outweigh his contributions to music. Oasis was a decade-plus shoving match between brothers set to a score by the Monkees, occasionally punctuated by Liam stomping away then returning to grab his brother in a headlock.
George Lucas recently claimed to have written 50 hours worth of content for a live-action Star Wars television show. In a perfect world he would have written half as much and surrounded himself with twice as many people that were willing to say no to his bad ideas.
If people don't have to pay to get in, how will they know the value of a perfectly placed meatspin.gif tag?
Woah! This game is awesome, Suzy! I can't believe that thing just happened, I've seriously never played this before! Let's try to get the mega-coin! Aw, we'll get it next time! Woah! This is fun! I love Kinect and the Microsoft experience! Facebook! Social media! Fist bump!
Duke Nukem Forever swipes concepts from popular modern titles and crams them together without considering how the elements work together. The result is a unique version of the kitchen sink approach in which the developer adds infinite kitchen sinks without a kitchen counter or plumbing and hopes for the best.
We'll Think Of A Name Later So Don't File This Placeholder Business License Application Corp and its international partners are excited and legally obligated to tell you about the biggest, most ACTION-PACKED recall of the modern era! For one reason or another nearly every product in our lineup has failed in SPECTACULAR fashion! Feel the rush!
I've been putting together an idea for a movie that, quite frankly, could turn out to be the best film of all time. The pitch: A perfect movie that everyone loves. This concept seems like it might have potential. True, I've never made a movie before, but the idea holds up to scrutiny from every angle. It is, conceptually, flawless.
According to the video game press rumor mill, it's all but certain that Nintendo will announce a new console by E3 (June 7-9) at the latest. Some sites have even claimed that the rumor has been "confirmed" by anonymous sources, which has all the attention-grabbing power of an official confirmation without any of the journalistic responsibility.
The Gears Of War 3 beta has gone out to people who write about games and are marginally important, well known, or whose opinions are of some significance. In other words, I haven't played it.
When Dr. Bruce Banner enters a boxing tournament, things take a surprising turn as Hulk emerges at the opening of the first round! In the following action-packed pages, The Incredibly Verbose Hulk describes each and every blow landed by his opponent in pulse-pounding prose! Guest starring Muhammad Ali and The Monkees.
I was looking forward to The Kennedys. After all, Oliver Stone's JFK was a pretty good movie, so a prequel was certainly welcome. Greg Kinnear as John Kennedy was an inspired casting choice, and Katie Holmes seemed like a natural fit due to her real world experience with ineffectually containing her husband's exploding brain.
The most remarkable aspect of the Nintendo 3DS isn't the fact that it plays games in 3D without requiring glasses, but that it will launch this week without a first party title that anyone can get excited about.
Peter Parker, a brilliant but shy high school student, went on a field trip to the New York Bug Hospital. As the empathetic youth reached out to comfort a spider that was recovering from a round of chemotherapy, the weary arachnid bit Parker's finger. Thus was born Sickly Spider-Man.
When Dragon Age: Origins, the most old school PC RPG-ish RPG in years, sold more copies than Mass Effect 2, it was an encouraging sign. After all, if a game with counter-spells, trap disabling, and +1 rings could succeed to such a degree in the current market, my life might have some meaning.
I'm swept up in the human tidal wave, my hand one of millions making grabby motions for an iPad 2. The only problem is that I just can't decide on a model to go with. They all seem so great! If you've already picked one, maybe you can help me figure out which one I should thrust my credit card toward and grunt greedily.
Sometimes a boom mic is accidentally lowered into the frame of a movie, taking you out of the fiction. Video game DLC is like that boom mic if it had dipped into the center of the screen, cracked the camera lens, then been given lines of dialog along with a cgi mouth in post production.
Brought Steve Blum back in to record more lazy, extreme quips that are so over the top they know they're over the top, and therefore are immune to criticism. Look forward to catchphrases such as "see you later, clit nugget" and "your guts smell like abortion".
Fellas, those Harlem Globetrotters are working us over. I actually saw children in the stands laughing at us. Laughing! It's time to turn things around. We're down by 38, sure, but if we get out there and execute fundamental basketball, I honestly believe we can pull this one out and improve our series record to 2-13027.
Deus Ex: Human Revolution is shaping up to be a worthy successor to 2000's classic game about trench coats, invading personal computers and women's bathrooms for no good reason, and the moral implications of genetic implants in a society where no one is able to bend their back, even in death.
Charlie Sheen's PR group has been waging a valiant effort to blur the lines between the actor's drug-addled, physically abusive real-life behavior and the fantasy of a good-natured normal guy whose perfectly innocent actions have been misinterpreted by the entire universe for seemingly no reason.
Please don't be alarmed. You were in a terrible accident. We have revived you from stasis, repaired your tissue damage, and removed the embedded bits of fruit stand debris. It is the future, and our advanced society may prove too much for your recovering brain to take in all at once.
Tens of thousands audition for American Idol, but the only contestants that matter are the ones with A Story. Having A Story means that you have faced some sort of difficulty at one point in your life (unlike everyone else) and therefore deserve a prolonged tearjerker video segment along with a greater chance of winning a singing contest.
Supreme Overseer Leader is the foremost authority on all bug shipping within the sector. His gaze knows no limits, his icy grasp is absolute and inescapable. He currently resides in a cozy chalet with his life partner, an eternally screaming medical skeleton named Judith.
Your eyes grew large with concern and you immediately told me to put the flier back, but I didn't. I walked over to the stack and pretended to place it on top of the others, secretly folding it up into a paper football. That's why I was carrying a football for the rest of the shopping trip. It wasn't even real, it was that advertisement.
People who write about video games are currently printing out the next few weeks' releases, double-checking to make sure there wasn't an error, then attempting to put the paper to good use by slicing it across their throats. Of course, no one will actually die, as any experienced neckbeard-paper-scissors player knows.
Nah, I don't need to turn around. It's just rocks. Rocks can't damage this beard, or these sunglasses, or this baseball cap. Hold on, I'm getting new intel on rocks... OH SHIT!