You Might Be a Redneck Jokes From "The Road"
Jeff Foxworthy's humor endures the waning light of civilization on The Road.
The Top 5 Guaranteed Ways To Get a Girlfriend in 2018!
Everybody loves lists! Everybody loves articles about how to get a girlfriend and do the dirty things with her! Everybody loves articles about the upcoming new year!
Your Three Days After Christmas Shopping Guide
Missed Christmas? Retain your few remaining friendships with our handy guide.
FOR RELEASE: Cernovich Recieves Incredible Award for Heroic Deeds
Cernovich "not surprised" and "had no doubt" Cernovich would boldly succeed where all others have failed.
The Complete History of Magic Leap Prototypes: Leap Before You Look
You might think the Magic Leap headset is understated and not at all ridiculous-looking, but it wasn't always so perfect.
Me and Wyatt Koch Gave Sherm to Track Palin
Levi has lost a series of jobs in the Trump administration, been kicked off K-street, and forced to try a daring heist with the help of Track Palin.
Letters to Evil Head
My therapist says that writing letters to someone, even someone who doesn't exist, can help one explore their feelings. I'm just not sure why I chose you, the final boss of the 1989 arcade game Midnight Resistance.
5 Mediocre Christmas Gifts for Your Mediocre Friends
Nothing but the most convenient for the outer rung of your circle of friends.
Your Comprehensive Guide to Cashing Out Bitcoin!
So you've been following this "Bitcoin" craze (otherwise known as cryptozoology), and you've watched the price of your precious Bitcoins rise from $28 to its current price of over $270 trillion. Now you're ready to cash out and live the good life, because as Notch has shown us all, money can easily buy happiness. Also fatness.
Why ‘Cat Person,’ a New Yorker short story, fundamentally misunderstands being a human-cat hybrid
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
A Caricature Artist Describes His Attackers
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Democrats and the Press Fight Back
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
I am sorry if the Pleasure Room in my office offended anyone
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
Do You Remember the Names of ALL the Mega Man Bosses? I Do!
To celebrate this week's announcement of Mega Man 11 - the first Mega Man game since Mega Man 6 on the NES - let's remember all the terrific bosses we've faced in this beloved series!
Our Site Will Be Pivoting to the Strange Object
The people are not clicking through to comment on our Kinja articles. I am sorry. We are pivoting to the Strange Object.
He's Prim, He's Proper, He's the Serial Killer Next Door
Serial killers: they're just like you and me.
Better Taglines for Jaws
Some Fish Are Just. Too. Big. To. Kiss.
This Is What It Was Like to Be the Only Literal Nazi at Thanksgiving Dinner
My family wasn't interested in memes or racial theory. No matter how hard I tried to connect with them, they proved extremely intolerant.
Let's Play Polybius
This week, I'll be playing an '80s arcade rom rumored to be a CIA mind-control experiment. Please like and subscribe!
What This American Is Thankful for in 2017
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
The Day We Finally Got All The Money
Hey, friends! Steve Mnuchin is taking a trip to the money. Let's go with him!
NFL Protests Have Made My Rowdy Friends Significantly Less Rowdy
Those NFL players have really stuck their knees in it this time!
The Scoundrel's Guide to Choosing a Spaceship
What you need is a cramped cargo hold that is an absolute pain in the ass to use. We're talking about a dusty half-closet that forces you to rearrange your entire collection of vests and striped pants to make room for a single crate of iridium jizz flutes.
American Patriot Quotes
Incorrect quotes are commonly attributed to historical figures and even contemporary politicians and celebrities. If we're done with reality, then let's use that to our advantage.
I Wrote The Most Popular Tweet Of All Time
You're looking at the most popular tweet of all time. 28K retweets. 54K likes. Nothing comes close. For comparison, the second most popular tweet comes from president Barack Obama, trailing far behind with a mere 1.7K retweets and 4.6K likes.
An Important Message from the Monstergeddon Board of Directors! (Part 17)
Wait, so is the competition seriously not happening AT ALL this year???
Think Piece Headlines From the Days of Skeleton Hell
The Hell Skeletons are here and people have some thoughts about their unholy rampage.
Stern Dad Reviews: Your Arts and Crafts
You tried, but you failed. And I'm here to tell you how in excruciating detail.
Make Halloween Great Again
The scariest thing about Halloween isn't ghouls or ghosts. It's the PC police.
PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds Elite Tier Operator Tips & Tactics
Are you ready to take your game to the next level of tier one? Prepare to own the field of the battleground in your next game of PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds.
Blog of the CD Cenobite from Hellraiser 3
Ebay user todd1409 is a liar. The Cowboy Bebop DVDs were in flawless condition when I appeared at his door and threw them at him.
Apple's Last Great Computer: The Plastic MacBook
In 2010 it was possible to walk into any store that sold Apple products (an "Apple Shop" if you will) and purchase the best laptop the company ever produced. I'm talking, of course, about the...
Will The Last Jedi Answer Fan Questions About the Origins of Female Ejaculation?
Star Wars fan speculation has been swirling about the source of female ejaculation. The answers might finally be coming with the Last Jedi.
How to Determine the Authenticity of This Authentication Guide
Lean in close to your screen. Inhale deeply. Does this guide give off a cloyingly sour odor? Then it is likely the genuine article.
A Guide To The Most Popular Subreddits
Your guide to the main subreddits that there are.
The Worst Things Your Flight's Pilot Could Possibly Say
"Oh, look, it's me from the future! And there's another me, made of anti-matter! All three of us are reaching out towards the exact same point in space, our fingertips on a collision course."
I HELPED HORNEY WEINSTEIN BREAK IT OFF IN PADDINGTON BEAR
Levi Johnston finally comes clean about his involvement in the Weinstein scandal and details a disgusting incident that required a green screen.
Bull in a China Shop
Why do I keep doing this to myself? The manager's been following me around since the moment I set hoof in this place.
Great Founding Father Quote Memes For the Gun Control Debate
Another mass shooting, another gun control debate. Arm yourself with these verified Founding Father quotes to protect your gun rights.
Apologies from the Good Guy with a Gun
You might be disappointed in me, but I'm honestly way more disappointed in myself.
7 Essential Games Nintendo Forgot To Put On The SNES Classic
The Legend Of Zelda: Breath Of The Wild is the most popular, critically acclaimed Zelda game since Ocarina Of Time. Think about how many more SNES Classics it would sell!
I Will Fully Repay the American People for the Throne I Use in the Pleasuredrome
HHS Secretary Tom Price has been caught making trips to his extravagant pleasuredrome. Now he has offered to pay us back. For the one chair he sits on.
5 Things We Miss about the '90s Now That the Ant People Have Come
If you grew up in the '90s, before the Ant People came in their death cruisers to conquer Earth and send its people to toil in the uranium mines of Formicus VII, you had a great childhood!
James Cameron's Billion Dollar Avatar 2-5 Budget Request
Hi studio. This James Cameron, needing money for Avatar movie times four. What I spend the money on below okay. It's good proposition.
I Walk An Animal: The Gentle Life of Upcoming Gentle Leader
Gentle creature Mark Zuckerberg informs you that he enjoys his dog and wife the normal human amount. That he has a plan. That he will be Gentle Leader.
I'll Just Be Over Here, Saying Things
Afraid of ideas and free speech? Well then you better not read this article, coward.
![The Something Awful Guide to the Tokyo Game Show [PARTIAL]](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/94bd3f4d/79c60af8/831740e5/8a68dd6e/14876.jpg)
The Something Awful Guide to the Tokyo Game Show [PARTIAL]
I did not see the Tokyo Game Show this year.
All Six Uses For The Human Hands
We use the hands to shred PHONE BILL. We know not where PHONE BILL originated, nor do we know what it means. These are matters of some philosophical debate. Some say the entire subject is out of our hands.
Our Madre service will disrupt the way momming is done
Our Madre app will commodifying momming and connect Madres with our users.
Remembering The Cowboy Scientists
These are the unsung cowboy scientists. Forgotten pioneers, not only of the wild west but also of the wild frontier of systematic study through experimentation and observation.
A Complete List of What Happened
Find out exactly What Happened with this complete list from Hillary Clinton's new book.
THE BEAT SHEET - The ONLY Newsletter FOR COPS BY COPS
Get the REAL DIRT from BIG BOYS IN BLUE who deal with BAD HOMBRES!
TruthFacts: Truth For Whoever
Media for whoever wants it. If you want some media, just click here. I've got you covered.
IT Cinematic Universe Viewing Order
Where does The IT Crowd fit into the It cinematic universe? Find out here!
Yes, Antifreeze is the Moral Equivalent of Freeze
The rise of freeze is overblown and nothing compared to the threat of antifreeze facing this nation.
The Birth of My Sinister, Glowing-Eyed Son Changed My Life
Before my son, Daniel, was born, I secretly dreaded fatherhood. But the moment I first looked into his wide, inquisitive, glowing eyes, my life changed forever.
Incoherent Proposal: How Far Will I Go For Money Dollars?
What would I do for $1,000,00? Live in a Swiss chalet for one year rent-free. Food and entertainment provided. My every whim anticipated, never experiencing a moment absent of absolute safety and comfort.
Wonder Woman is a big step backwards from my topless blue catgirls
Wonder Woman is nowhere near is powerful as the giant blue catgirl James Cameron made on a computer with the help of his brother.
I Only Attended That Nazi Rally for Research Purposes
To be honest, it's extremely insulting to be labeled a "Nazi." Was I marching with several Nazis? Yes. Was I waving a Nazi flag as I marched? Yes, but only out of kindness: I was holding it for another man so he could wave a larger Nazi flag.
I Will Protect Joss Whedon. I Will Do Whatever It Takes
[sauntering up to joss whedon giving magazine interview] Hey are these guys bothering you
Breitbart Headlines Throughout History
Internment Camp Queens Caught Scamming Extra Servings Of Water And Laying Around All Day In Government-Provided Housing
How Will Children Understand WWII Without America's Hitler Statues?
Trying to change history is a terrible mistake. Tearing down all of America's Hitler statues has left us confused about our nation's proud past.
The Deadliest Snake In The Wild West
Ask any cowboy and they'll tell you: The deadliest snake in the wild west is Lava-Filled Hole Shaped Exactly Like A Cowboy Silhouette
Garfield Cooks Up Trouble is the most offensive and dangerous book I've ever read
Garfield is a poison of bigotry on our culture and I have never been more offended on behalf of people than I am right now.
![Online Flirting Guide [Guide to Flirting Online]](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/a2a394d3/17ae9d89/985646fa/98565f36/14840.png)
Online Flirting Guide [Guide to Flirting Online]
Find a discussion thread or facebook post or whatever where two people are having an argument about a movie or TV show. It's probably game of thrones or some shit. Say to one of them: "Hey is this guy bothering you"
A Treatise on Gender by Todd from Accounts Payable
One completely reasonable non-sexist man explains why women shouldn't be tortured by white-collar jobs.
Martin Shkreli May Be A Human Sneer, But These Courtroom Sketches Are Unflattering
On the charge of possessing a face that cannot be depicted as belonging to a relatable human being, we the jury find the defendant guilty.
Jim, I simply remind everyone that Sonic The Hedgehog's Arms Are Not Freaking Blue
This is about facts, Jim, and Sonic's arms aren't blue and the President's mpreg fic is canon.
My Imaginary Interviewer Became Real
I knew that constantly imagining myself being interviewed for The New Yorker was vain, but it seemed harmless. Until one day.
What Is THREADRIPPER?
THREADRIPPER is, in one sense, a computer processor made by AMD. In a broader, metaphysical sense it RIPS THREADS.
Grandpa didn't die flamethrowering the Vietcong so the wrong gender could gas up a helicopter
The world doesn't make sense. We taxpayers have to buy breasts for genderbenders while our boys in uniform aren't even allowed to flamethrower anybody.
Dear President Oboe IV
I have raised over $300 participating in quilting bees for the American Quilting Bee Society so I think I deserve at least seven minutes of your time.
Ready Player One's Ernest Cline Presents: Spoken Word Poetry
Ernest Cline, writer of Ready Player One, shares his newest poem.
Watch Me Fix The 'Assassin In Love' Movie Poster
Honestly, the Assassin In Love poster is nearly perfect to begin with. It just needs a few minor tweaks.
Was it Ramzan Kadyrov or Evil Dale Cooper?
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
My Eyes Are The Windows 10 To My Soul
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
You Might Be a Redneck Jokes From the Posthuman Body Horror Awakening
Jeff Foxworthy has awakened to the new flesh to tell some redneck jokes.
5 Essential Tips for Mass Transit Travel
Remember, traveling underground in a rickety metal tube full of farts carries its own specific code of conduct.
Creepypasta_2.wikia.com FEATURED STORIES
Another site got the better URL but we're still the best creepypasta wiki on the web. YES they are all about video games.
A Scant Few of The Many Foes I Have Pummeled In Your Realm
It is for honor and sacred oathkeeping that I traverse the linked realms, pummeling the mightiest warriors from all clans.
I had to let Wolfy go because he was the worst dog
Lenny talks about the difficult experience she had with her miserable piece of crap dog who never thanked her for anything.
Classic Literature as Brand Stories
It's hard to come up with original and compelling brand stories these days. That's why advertisers should repurpose the tried-and-true stories of classic literature.
I Made A Cheap Arcade Stick! And Mistakes!
If I built a functioning arcade stick for less than fifty bucks, you could make a nicer one in half the time and sustain fewer life-threatening injuries.
A Gentle Listening Tour: Americans Have a Variety of Occupations and Scents
In the face of crude, rude behavior, a gentleness rises from the West. It is Gentle Creature Mark and he is listening.
I'm Pretty Sure this Airbnb is Just a Treehouse
I had to register my complaints while they were still fresh. And while the bark was still fresh and pliable.
UpFeed BuzzPost: Front Page Headlines
Hey Asshole! Yeah, You, Jackass! Want To Know Which Disney Princess You Are, You Piece Of Shit?
Sponsored Links 10: The Tennening (Part 11)
Around the web and back again to you, the lord of the webrings.
Our New Drone is Our Least Menacing Yet
Our new drone will follow behind you in an extremely friendly manner and capture 4K video of your adventures, your friends, your time in the bathroom, and your heartbeat as you sleep.
The Totally Sane, Healthy World of IMDB User Lists
IMDB user lists can be used to rank film buffs' favorite movies and creators. 90% of these lists have names like "My Harem" and "Far East Pleasures Karma Sutra Women of Beauty"
Which Truck Is Right for You?
It’s time to buy pure commercialized masculinity. But which model is right for you?
Vextor Defense Corp proudly presents the Wise Girl Statue
Boom! Celebrate girl power in the defense industry with the Wise Girl Statue!
The Biggest Announcements of E3 2017
Hey gamers! Looking for the newest, HOTTEST game news direct from this year's E3? Well, look no longer - Something Awful's got you covered!
Fighting Game Quips As Movie Subtitles: Round Three... Begin! (Part 3)
"You're weak, creepy, and pesty. Consider euthanasia! Ha ha"
I'M DEEP STATE NOW BITCH
Levi Johnston announces his new role at the Department of Justice and his dislike of James Comey.
According To Tolstoy, All Great Literature Is One Of Twenty Two Stories
The marginally notable writer Leo Tolstoy once said: "All great literature is one of two stories; a man goes on a journey or a stranger comes to town." Well, almost. That quote is in fact an abridged version of a much longer quote. According to Tolstoy, all great literature is actually one of twenty two stories. These are the other twenty.
Message from the Future Regarding Impending Canada Geese Invasion
First they invaded our corporate water features, then they overran our golf courses, finally they took our freedom.
14 Biz Club Manspirations for Closers
Time to re-up your inspiration for the grind and put some biz on the board. You are going to close your deals after you see these.
A Stoner's Lament
One brave man discovers drugs aren't as accessible as the media would have you believe.
"Hey, Did You Know This?" Gaming Presents: The Legend of Zelda Timeline
"Hey, Did You Know This?" Gaming is the internet's premier source for game trivia, way better than those other guys.
Replacing More Movie Subtitles With Fighting Game Quips (Part 2)
"My Dance of Healing will mend your wounds. It takes two days, though."
The White House synthetic's most serious malfunctions
It is standard procedure for the White House to have a synthetic. But it sometimes malfunctions...
Is This Deadly Virtual Reality Game We're Trapped in Art?
This VR game has become sentient and is killing us one by one. But is it art?
What Are All Those Medals On Sheriff David Clarke's Costume?
Nightwatch Brigade Insignia: Awarded for hiding in a coat closet and watching God's Not Dead, God's Not Dead 2, and Last Man Standing on a 1980s-era portable tv every night instead of sleeping
Catalog of Common Honking Situations and Outcomes
Why you honk and how it’s misinterpreted.
There... T... There's a New Gentle Creature in Town
Gentle Creature has awakened from his worries. Shhhh. He has gone to visit his gentle cousin who also wants to be President.
Essential Playerunknown's Battlegrounds Tips
Get good at the hottest online murder simulator with our collection of hints.
How To Know When You've Won An Argument On The Internet
Hello, I'm the Dilbert guy. You might know me from: Dilbert, the comic strip about an office worker who hates Mondays but loves lasagna, and my 2016 book The Illusion of Thought: 50 Ways I'm Already Inside Your Head, which is now banned from being donated to many second-hand book stores.
Fighting Game Quips Make All Movies Better (Part 1)
When video game fighters lay down a challenge, they blurt out supposedly badass lines of dialog. These quips just happen to work much better as subtitles for random movies.
You Are Not Going to Believe Steve Harvey's Memo to His Staff About the Giant Bird
A shocking memo from Steve Harvey to his cast and crew has been leaked to the public. You will not believe what he has to say about the giant bird he cares for.
Welcome to Don't University: Take Your Free Introductory Lesson Today!
Want to be a Freelance Bomb Disarmer? YouTube Topiary Critic? Horseback Dynamite Tosser? We'll show you how by telling you everything about the job you don't need to know!
Emergency House Repair Strategies for First Time Home Owners
Congratulations on buying your first house. With the budget tight for the next 20 – 30 years, here are some great strategies on how to ignore glaring structural damage until you’re able to sell this mistake.
The 69 Most Common Pre-Existing Conditions Not Covered by the AHCA
The AHCA allows insurers to dramatically raise rates on people with pre-existing conditions. Do you have one?
Pranks Are Tearing Our Prank Family Apart
Can inflicting severe emotional damage on your own children for profit go too far?
VOICE Hotline Transcript #121445
My new neighbour is an immigrant - and I'm fairly sure he's an illegal immigrant - and he has been harassing me and my family ever since he moved in. I'm just - I'd just like to know what legal recourse i have with regard to three major incidents, specifically.
Morrowind Came Out 15 Years Ago This Week! Let's Relive The Authentic Experience
Meet Jiub, a more relatable character than anyone in Oblivion, Skyrim, or Fallout 4. He has like three lines of dialog and I would die for him in real life without hesitation.
Jeff VanderMeer's Fyre Festival
Natural and supernatural horrors mount on an expedition to an island music festival for the wealthy.
More Classic Literature Autosummarized
With college finals approaching, it's time once again for Microsoft Word autosummaries of all the old, boring books you were supposed to read.
Dialog From The Worst Episode of The Walking Dead
"Don't you get it? What we have to understand is it's them or us. It can't be all of us, or one. It's got to be us, or they become it. Then we lose what makes us we."
Your Cat’s Review of Cat Toys
Expert analysis on the few things your cat likes and the many things it hates.
A Note From the New CEO of Lobstero
The CEO of Lobstero, makers of the expensive home Lobster System, responds to recent unfavorable headlines about hand-squeezing a lobster out of one of the company's Lobster Packs.
When Is It Okay to Call Someone a "Nazi?"
Should you call someone a Nazi? The answer will surprise you.
![Persona 5 [GAME REVIEW]](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/60430f4a/984aa0a5/34e02733/9a7580a7/14738.jpg)
Persona 5 [GAME REVIEW]
Fans have been eagerly awaiting this game since long before its initial promised release date of Winter 2005. But is this truly the worthy sequel to Persona 4: Dancing All Night that we've been waiting for?
If It Weren't For These Amateurish Mistakes, Alien Would Be A Classic Movie
No attempt is made to hide the fact that Ripley is the actress Sigourney Weaver. No bandit mask, no hiding her face behind strategically placed palm fronds, etc.
Why I won’t date hot women anymore and will only date the tour guide from Bee Movie
I am an average middle-aged man who is totally done with all these beautiful women and just wants to settle down with the bee tour guide.
Sponsored Links: Very Hot Games For Men With Boners Only! (Part 9)
Exotic Worlds Are Waiting On The Other Side Of The Screen - Never Be Lonely Again!
Invasive Species Warning: Campus Hammockers
Important tips on how to prepare for the massive infestation of longboards and Yeti coolers.
Reminder: Netflix is making a movie with Will Smith as a cop with an orc partner
You saw Will Smith and an orc in a cop car and you were sure it was a dream. But it wasn't.
The 10 Real Reasons Steve Bannon Was Removed from the National Security Council
The true reasons behind Bannon's removal may surprise you.
How to Post: A Flowchart
Ever wanted to post? This simple flowchart makes things easy!
Owner's Manual For The 2017 Error Tablet
Included in the box: Error Tablet (1), USB 3/C/Firewire/Ouya Charging Cable (1), Genuine One-Of-A-Kind Pete Harshnish Rookie Card (3)
Neo S-Town is about to E*X*P*L*O*D*E
J0n thinks a rogue AI is murdering people in his hometown, but things are stranger than they seem in Neo Shit Town.
The Perils of Not Being Famous
Given our society's obsession with stalking and ridiculing celebrities, it's tempting to seek a life of anonymity. But beware: not being famous has its own hidden costs.
Mass Effect: Andromeda's Missing Paragon/Renegade Choices
Mass Effect: Andromeda turns its nose up at the original trilogy's rigid morality. It boasts a more nuanced and intellectually compelling shades-of-grey approach in which a heart icon pops up when it's time to tell an alien to take their clothes off.
New Affordable Healthcare Plans
Please consider updating your plan to include Trickle Down Antibiotics, the Millennial Meltdown, and other new options.
The Most Beautiful Woman On Facebook
The most beautiful woman on all of Facebook is no longer just enchanting your Facebook feed. She's here, y'all!
Introducing Kitchen Sponges... for MEN
These sponges will make your hair WHITE and your teeth CURLY.
8 Jokes Only Smart People Will Get
If you get these jokes, you KNOW you're smart!
SHADOW RUN, Featuring Michael Caine
"For all my education, accomplishments, and so-called wisdom, I can't fathom my own datajack."
Trump's New Mexican Border Wall Requirements
There are many requirements planned for Trump's upcoming Mexican / American border wall. Here are some highlights.
Mr. Mayor, I Am the Real Hero Here and I Wasn't Just Doing My Job
It is such an honor you are bestowing on me and one I richly deserve for my actual heroism.
Six-Year-Old YouTuber Under Fire for Anti-Semitic Comments
A young boy, facing controversy over a joke in a country with "free speech?" Is this even America anymore?
Newest Gwent Card Updates
The newest update to Gwent adds some of the most complex cards you’ve ever seen in competitive, virtual card collecting games.
Did Sinbad Play a Genie in the Movie Shazam and Then Did He Move Into My House?
Was there a movie called Shazam starring Sinbad? Did Sinbad move into my house and live in a nest?
Perusing Prime Video's Padded Volumes Part V (Well, Part II)
Paranormal Documetary's and Five Night's At Freddy's Let's Play's... and that's ju'st the icing on the cake!'
The Nintendo Switch: The First Six Days
We take to the streets to find out what consumers REALLY think of the Nintendo Switch!
Perusing Prime Video's Padded Volumes
Amazon's Prime video service boasts a library of over 30,000 tv shows and movies. That sure does sound impressive, but for every Green Room or season of Hannibal there are a thousand YouTube-ish Minecraft ASMR Lego reviews. These are the Prime videos that will never appear on the splash page.
INTERNAL: Jamba Juice's "Springapalooza" Talking Points
Oh god, how the fuck are we gonna sell these frogurt abominations??
I’M READY TO STEP IN AND BECOME THE GENERAL OF ATTORNEYS
I quit energy department and I'm after a new DC job. I've barely met with Putin. Hook me up.
Advanced Secret Menu Items
Sick of the Meat Cube, BK Club and Apple Pie McFlurry? Try ordering these ultra-secret menu items that only a handful of fast-food customers know about.
What If VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS Starred In Classic Movies???
Doom Guy as Luke Skywalker: Uh! Uh uh uh uh uh! (strafing against a wall)
To the Nail Biter
At what point does your ruthless gnawing count as self-cannibalism?
We Must Protect The Rooms Where We Poo and Pee
Liberals want to mess with the rooms where we poo and pee. Unacceptable. We must protect our poo and pee.
Why Schrodinger's Cat is Actually Alive and a Dog
More fake science from the mainstream scientists: Dr. Schrodinger claims cat is dead, but cat is alive and a dog.
Damn, I'm Outrageous
Yeah, I went there. And I'll go there again. Don't believe me? I'm there ALREADY.
I Will Die For PewDiePie
I stand with PewDiePie.
Meet Prombles, State Og's New Smart Speaker
In the coming days Prombles will completely revolutionize the way we think about useless household devices. With less expensive alternatives like Amazon's Echo and Google Home already on the market, what can our smart speaker offer you, the customer?
Protest Properly: Please Don't Gender Your Trump Insults
Celebrate diversity and inclusiveness at your next protest by not calling Donald Trump a nasty little-hands pisspig bitch.
If This Offends You...
A true patriot has exactly seven t-shirts, with seven slight variations on a single phrase that tell one powerful story. This is that tale.
23 Tips for Driving in the Winter
It seems like a lot of people struggle to drive once the roads get icy. Here are some easy tips to make your winter treks safer.
Michael Thernovich’s 2017 Valentime’s Day/War On Men Report
Don't get cucked this Valentime's Day, thitizens!
LOOKS LIKE I'M DEPUTY SECRETARY IN CHARGE OF BATTERIES NOW
When the president randomly draws your name from a hat to serve, it is your duty to spin the wheel and find out what job you get.
DEBATE ME.
Are you a coward, or do you just have more important things to do? Either way, I'll still destroy you with my logic.
Discount Anime Television Listings
Web streaming is a dying medium. Please watch our TV channel.
Recommended Links From Around the Web (Part 8)
Only the most relevant and fascinating links, tailored to your interests. Powered by Toolabrain.
It is Never Okay to Punch a Necromancer
I am getting increasingly disturbed by all these people acting like punching necromancers is good. This isn't the Age of Eternal Night here, folks.
Complaint Letter From A Guy Listening To The Radio Station From The Warriors
''Who are “The Warriors,” and why can’t you just play more Styx?!''
Jughead Fucks Now? How DARE You!
Representation in the media is crucial, which is why this character basically named "Moron" being asexual is so important for the movement.
An Eternity Later, I Regret Shopping at Forever 21
Being forever 21 sounds good at first, but in the grand scheme of things it's an existential nightmare.
Alt-Right TV Guide
Television from an entirely different group of wealthy coastal elites!
![Free IQ Test [Real]](https://fpi.somethingawful.com/sasbi/promo/6baadc89/15961704/3965f9e1/889224e7/14651.jpg)
Free IQ Test [Real]
REAL free IQ test. Try now for NO COST. As used by DOCTORS and REAL LIFE MENSA GENIUSES.
Prestigious Cinema Institute Presents: The Greatest Bathroom-Related Films of All Time
The Remains of Bidet (James Ivory, 1993)
It's time for Americans to put aside politics and unite into a singular organism
We might find we have more in common than we think if we just stop fighting long enough to combine our bodies into a singular organism.
If The Dead Zone Happened In Real Life
Stillson's Controversial Actions During Assassination Attempt Draw Some Criticism
6 Techniques for Effectively Stealing Valor
The valor pigs have been looking over your uniform and trying to find fault. Time to show them how army is done!
My 60 T-Shirt Submissions to SnorgTees.com
You said to submit t-shirt ideas to this e-mail address, so here are some I have come up with.
Parental Warning: NES Classic Edition
It's the most sought-after toy on the market, but is the NES Mini Classic acceptable for kids? Our experts emphatically say no. All 30 of the system's included games feature scenes that are completely inappropriate for children.
Mass Texts From Your Drug Dealer, A First Year Marketing Major
Amazing deals from an adorable criminal.
I am the Techno Pope
This ain't your grandpappy's Young Pope. This is the new Techno Pope.
The Pizza Promise
If you don't enter our stores with a gun full of bullets and a brain full of unhinged questions, we'll serve you with a smile.
Perfect Insults to Annihilate Fantasy Creatures You Encounter in Everyday Life
"Hey jackass! Here's a free tip: When you donate a bunch of new toys to charity, take the store tags off!"
Tips for Heading Back to Work After the Holidays
Important techniques for anyone returning from an extended vacation.
"Why Are All The Droids In The Star Wars Universe A-Holes?" by YouTube's "Dirty" Frank Torlinson
Rate and subscribe, you cucks!
